Ellie-chan (COMPLETED)

Thirty-One - Pictures

When the second red line finally appeared in the second window, I was engulfed with mixed emotions.  My first reaction was positive. Just like any expectant mother, I was very happy. But on the other hand, I felt unsure. Although I know Hayato will be thrilled when he finds out, I don't know what this child will bring me - us. And that uncertainty makes me a bit scared.

My sisters who are all veteran mothers told me that it's natural to feel a little scared at first but it will soon be replaced with a much happier feeling. Nothing can beat the excitement of knowing that you are nurturing a life inside your womb. They say that it gives you a feeling of fulfillment.

I picked up the pregnancy test kit and put it back in its box. I was about to throw it away when I thought of keeping it  for remembrance's sake. So I brought it back with me and put it in my little bag where I keep all my treasured gifts.  It has all sorts of stuff - from students' letters and cards to stones and sea shells I kept since I was a child.  Nothing fancy actually but they're all priceless to me in their own little way.

Hayato came home late again and I immediately smelled alcohol in his breath. Just like a normal wife, I thought about all sort of things like he went to a club and drank in the company of women. If he were my real husband I would have started nagging him already. But I can't do that knowing that I'm at his mercy. What if he changes his mind about us? He can easily get a divorce.

Instead of confronting him about his ways, I just took his suit jacket and neatly hang it on the wall. I also folded the clothes he took off and put them aside. I saw him marched to the bathroom. Shit! I haven't prepared his bath yet.

"Gomen ne. (I'm sorry.) You're bath's not ready yet," I said, tagging along with him.  "Please wait for a while. I'll just get it ready."

He leaned towards me and gave me a light kiss on the nose.  "I can do that. Don't worry. But if you want - you can join me," and he gave me that flirty smile again. 

My heart skipped a beat but I tried to remain composed. Without looking at him, I bowed, Japanese women style.  Then, I turned my back.  I was about to go back to the bedroom when he grabbed one of my hands and pulled me towards him.

"Come here," and he cupped my face. I am now staring directly at his eyes and it made my heart beat so fast and loud, it feels like my chest is going to burst.  "You don't need to serve me like a Japanese wife would do. I perfectly understand our situation.  All I need is this," and he lowered his head to claim my lips.

I tried to push him away. I didn't like his smell. And although I like kissing him, that's the last thing I want to do at the moment. Who knows where that lips came from? If he went to some club with his buddies, for sure they had some women with them. I don't like kissing him knowing that he has kissed some random girl all night - and God knows what they've been doign all night.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

I just shook my head. I thought he would insist but he let me go. I went back to bed quietly.  A few minutes after, from the corner of my eye, I saw him strutted to the bedroom with just a towel around his waist.  When he reached the foot of the bed, he took it off and went to lie down beside me naked.  as soon as his back touches the bed, his arm went around my waist and pulled me closer. I pretended to be asleep.

"I know you are not yet sleeping," he murmured in my ears.

When I felt his hand cupped one of my breasts, I pushed it away.

"What's happening with you?" he asked. He seemed hurt.

I turned and lay on my back.  He tried to kiss me again. I moved my head to the side so instead of my lips, his touced my left cheek.

"What's going on?" he asked. His a little angry now. I don't care. I just don't want to make love to him knowing that he has already taken some random girl to bed just a few hours ago. What else would they do in cabaret? I'm sure that's where he came from. That's where he goes after work just like what many sarariman (Japanese corporate businessman) do.

"Aren't you satisfied with girls you took at the club?  I'm pretty sure, you already had sex with one of them or with them," I replied in a softer voice. 

"What?! Who gave you that idea?"

I turned to him. He seemed shocked at what I had just said.

"Isn't it what you always do that's why you always come home late and drunk?"

"My God you have a very dirty mind!  I didn't expect it from you," and he angrily got up and stormed out of the bedroom with only a towel wrapped around his waist.  I sobbed.

That was not just my unfounded hunch. Somebody sent me pictures.  One of them showed him drinking in what looked like a cabaret or a bar. He was with some girl. She was dressed like one of those geishas I see on TV. In other pictures, he was in front of a club talking with some girls who were scantily clad. What else would I think?

I know I shouldn't be nagging him about this because we are not real couples but I feel that he's putting me at risk here, health-wise. I don't want to make love with him again knowing that he could give me STDs anytime.

Okay, that's just the tip of the iceberg. The real reason is, I'm mad. I'm so angry that I couldn't seem to satisfy him. What else is the reason why he's seeking other women's company?  Despite my efforts in the bedroom, he's still not satisfied. And it pained me to think he's trying to get it from those cheap women!

A few minutes after, I heard the bedroom door opened. He came back!  I tried to control my self. But the more I try to stop myself from sobbing, the more it become worse. I grabbed a pillow and covered my face.

I felt the bed move.  I knew he was beside me now. 

"I don't know why you thought I'm capable of doing those things.  Although - this marriage, our relationship - is not real, I'm still trying to be faithful. I'm staying late outside most of the time because of some work."

Work? What work?  Liar!  I put the pillow between us and got up. I went to the drawer and pulled the brown envelope with his pictures in it. I tossed it on the bed. At first, he just looked at them. Then, he got up and grabbed the envelope. I saw him frowned while looking at the pictures but when he was done with them, instead of getting mad for being busted just like any other man, he turned to me and smiled.

"Is this why you're mad? You thought that I spent the night in these clubs that's why I alway come home late?" he asked.  His mood seemed to have improved.  "These are old pictures," and he tossed it on the bed.  "Look at my hair there. I had a different haircut. I don't deny going to clubs when I was younger but I have already outgrown them."

I stared at the pictures. Yeah. Why didn't I notice his haircut? Shit! I was fooled.  Then, it dawned on me.  Rika could have sent these pictures to make me mad.  Oh, how embarrassing!  I couldn't look at Hayato now.

He moved towards me at the foot of the bed. He is now on his knees. He grabbed me by the waist. When I tried to resist him, he pulled me towards the bed. We both fell. Immediately, he pinned my hands above my head while he was on top of me. I could feel his throbbing manhood on my tummy.

"Are you jealous?" he murmured in my ears beforre he claimed my lips.  "You shouldn't be. I'm your husband now. Yours alone."

"Yeah. For the time being, you're mine," I answered with sarcasm. And I regretted it because it gave myself away.  I moved my head to the side so he couldn't see me blushing like an idiot.

"That can be easily remedied, if you want," he replied.

I turned towards him. Did I hear him right? I saw a glint of mischief in his eyes. Something tells me that he was just joking.  My heart sank.