Ellie-chan (COMPLETED)

Six - Being Selfish is Not At All Bad

I stared at my sister's email and I thought about my planned trip to Hawaii with my colleagues. And it made me sad. Emails these days make me sad. Sometimes I don't feel like opening my inbox anymore.

I'm not the eldest in the family but I'm the only one working abroad. My two older sisters are working at our municipal hall. They are both married with three kids. My two younger sisters didn't finish college. One is married to a loving but jobless husband while another is a single mother. These two younger sisters are my frequent email pals.

Our mother once told me that I should try to understand them. They are not as lucky as I am. Am I indeed lucky? I often ask myself that. I only have more money than them. But lucky? I doubt it. At least my sisters had experienced how it was to be truly happy. They all chose their first love...Even my single-mother sister had once had her chance to happiness. Only that it didn't work out for them. But me? I chose our family over my happiness. That's why I'm still single at 29.

Should I send her the money? I closed my eyes, trying to clear my thoughts. If I don't and something happened to her and her baby, would I be able to live knowing that I had a chance to help her but I did not? But if I helped her out, agreed to 'lend' her sixty thousand pesos, I'm afraid she would depend on me forever. So every time she gives birth, she will ask money from me. How lucky her husband is...

Sometimes I also wonder whether they think of me more than the financial problem solver. If they also worry about me, going home to an empty apartment...having no one around to talk to...

I remember what Tori had told me when we were still living in the same dormitory. She said that although we have a responsibility to help our family, our first duty is to take care of ourselves...make sure that our needs our met first before we help others. Hmm, it reminds me of the airlines' safety precaution- put your own mask first before helping others put their mask on...