The End

Chapter 30: Never Getting Over This

The lonely weekend he'd expected to feel unbearably long disappeared in the blink of an eye. He stood in the door way with Ellen in his arms. Patrick let her scent overwhelm him. Her Uber pulled into the driveway as the rain started to sprinkle against the cobblestone.

"Should I start counting the days?" She asked with a smile knowing it was far too soon to start a countdown. Ellen stroked the stubble on his face. She could almost guarantee that the  driver could see their embrace from the car, but she didn't care. Not at a time like this.

The suffocating feeling returned to her chest. He had always been her hardest goodbye. Even with the world at her fingertips. She could fly back next weekend if she wanted to. But she wouldn't wake up to him tomorrow and that shot through her chest like a bolt of lightning.

He wiped a tear off her cheek and then pulled her in tighter.  "God, I wish this wasn't so hard."

"Me too," she said pulling away. He closed the space between them again, this time kissing her lips. Patrick kissed her with the reality of how long they could be apart. He kissed her like there was a chance he'd never kiss her again. Because this life was unpredictable, they both knew that too well.

"I love you," he said planting one last kiss on her lips and securing her coat over her shoulders. With that she padded away from the door and he watched the car pull away from the house.

Patrick tried to clear the emotion from his chest, but couldn't. He'd loved her for what felt like a lifetime. Her scent still lingered on his skin, signs of her all around him. The truth had never been more clear to him.  It was time for this part of their story to end. It was time to come clean. He'd spend the rest of his time here preparing for just that.

Ellen sat on the metal stairs of her trailer. She'd wrapped nearly an hour before. "Are you ok? " Patrick asked.
"Fine," she responded with a shrug.

"Sounds convincing." Patrick smiled and took a seat next to her.

"I just..." she hesitated. "It's been years." Her voice faded and he didn't need more explanation than that.
He nodded watching her intently. "I just thought it would change or I'd be over this by now."

Patrick rested his hand on her leg and spoke softly. His tone surrendering to their circumstances, "I don't think we're getting over this."

She sighed heavily. "I hate that answer."

"Do you?" He challenged her. She didn't respond. "Do you want to get over this?" This time his tone taking a serious turn.

She looked into his eyes for the first time in their conversation. "No." His eyes glittered over hers. Her stomach fluttering with emotion. She rested her head against his shoulder. This life they'd built in between reality wasn't one she was willing to give up.

Airports after international travel were perhaps one of the most shocking experiences. The quiet hum of a dark plane violently contrasted by bright lights and bustling people.  It was enough to make her feel motion sick.  Ellen headed quickly to the bathroom to salvage what was left of her appearance.

She looked at herself in the mirror for a moment. She was clearly tired, it was a lot of travel for a short weekend. But there was something lighter about her. Ellen could feel it, and she could see it all over her face. Still she took a deep breath and let it out with a gust.  Her phone vibrated in her pocket.

"Hi," she answered it as she tidied her hair with the other hand.

"Hi," his voice smooth and sleepy. He was close to starting his day there. "How was your flight?"

"It was fine," She shrugged. "I'm tired," she confessed, "I'm in the bathroom trying to recover a little."

"Sorry," he spoke, "I know the jet lag is rough. Thank you for coming," his voice sincere.

"See you next weekend?" Ellen joked.

"I'll make sure I have creamer just in case," Patrick smiled.

"You should get some sleep. Your call time is in a couple hours," she said softly.

"Drive safe," he resigned to her suggestion. "Call me if you get sleepy on the way back."

"Thanks," she answered, "Love you." There was a casualness about the way it slipped off of her tongue. Ellen was sure that she would have always loved him. Even if the years had been more platonic than bed sheets and stolen kisses.  He was always meant to be in her orbit and being in her orbit meant loving him, one way or another.

"Love you," he responded.  With that she rested the phone against the bathroom counter

Splashing the cold water against her face, she coped with the fact that she'd aged 20 years but nothing had changed. Ellen was still in love with a man she currently couldn't have. A man who this time, was literally on the other side of the world. Both literally and figuratively out of reach. Yet, he had been right all those years ago. They were never getting over this.

She tossed the water against her face a few more times. Numbing her emotions and hoping to pull her back to her reality. Ellen reached for a paper towel and caught the reflection of the woman existing the stall. 

There is a feeling that comes with being caught. A terror that hits your nervous system like a bolt of lightning. Then a numbness spreads across you, leaving only the knots tying your stomach. This very reaction overcame Ellen as her eyes met Jillian's. 

It wasn't the first time she'd seen her since they'd rekindled their relationship. But it was the first time Jillian had listened to her talk to her husband from a bathroom stall. Her mind suddenly racing, replaying the conversation. Had she called him by name? Had she mentioned Ireland?

"Ellen," the genuine surprise in Jill's voice was a little comforting to Ellen.

"Jill," she swallowed hard. "What are you doing here?"

"Catching the red eye to New York," Jill joined her at the sink. "I have a few meetings."

In hopes to buy herself some time before she returned the question Ellen followed up with , "Oh, for your makeup line?" though it was truthfully none of her business.

"Yes," Jill answered.

"It sounds like it's going well." Ellen was again worried she had said to much. Would she know it was going well without communicating with Patrick?

"It is," she nodded reaching for the paper towels. "What about you?"

"Just a little hiatus travel," Ellen lied through her teeth.

"Good for you," Jill answered. The intercom announced Jill's flight was boarding. "I hope it was relaxing."  She collected her bag, "Good to see you."

"You too," barely escaped Ellen's lips as Jillian disappeared through the bathroom door.

The motion sickness that had swirled through Ellen since she had deplaned suddenly magnified. Whatever lightness she felt, heavy again. Her heart beating with a fierceness that she couldn't control. A familiar need to run suddenly pulsing through her veins. He was everything she wanted. There was no question about that but, this, was a feeling she never wanted to feel again.