My Life In Your Eyes *SELFUNBOUND*

Chapter 6

I was sitting on my bed, starring at a blank canvas. I decided to paint Braxton's eyes; the deep endless pools of turquoise blue that I personally can fall into and drown.peacefully.

I pulled my paints out, mixed the various shades of color together to make his specific shade of blue. I took all of my brushes, and sponges, clothes, and a razor blade and spread them all out over my desk.

With the first stroke, as the perfect shade of blue, was run across the canvas, I could see my vision.

I spent the next hour desperately working to finish what I longed to see. 

As I stood back and starred at my piece, it was no longer an empty canvas, But the picture of perfection, at least in my opinion, Braxton Carmen's eyes, His eyes, the bridge of his nose and his eyebrows.

The only difference is in this painting is, his eyes held no pain, no confusion, no regret, no questions, no shock, or anxiety... Just happiness, peace, and the caring love I had witnessed today in class.

I didn’t hear the door open.

I walked over to my desk and began to clean up my mess. I noticed for the first time, I ruined my shirt, and my Capri’s. I am use to that. But I really liked this shirt...."crap monkey" I whispered.

I turned to head into the bathroom... "Braxton...." my words trailed off, staring at him as he was starring at the painting I had just finished.  

I painted that painting with such raw emotion, it was powerful. But I am not sure how he is going to take this painting. I really had rather him not had seen it at all.

I suddenly became very self conscious of it and rushed to cover it.

He put his hand over the top of the painting to stop me from hanging the blanket of white silk over it.

"Is this how you see me Addy? I mean I know that is me. But I see my eyes as a curse, not... well not anything like this."

He pointed to the canvas, still starring at it.

I waited a few seconds longer and moved his hand to drop the silk.

"No, this is not how I see you Brax; this is how I want to see you."

I watched his eyes turn towards me now, at my words. His mouth went into a flat line. Before his thoughts could run wild I continued.

"Now I see those same eyes, full of pain, and sorrow, confusion and maybe even a little regret... but more than anything pity."

I closed my eyes, I refuse to cry. I refuse to go mental.

"You have no idea of what it's like Braxton. To be the butt of every joke, to feel self conscious about every thing you do, everything you say, the clothes you wear, the way you walk, the things that are normally embarrassing to any normal person, is triple embarrassing for me. I refuse to eat in front of just about anybody, I don't know why, I just feel like I am being judged by every single person around me, no matter what. It is hell Brax, and I do not want this life for you. Why can't you understand that?"

He stared at me for awhile before he spoke.

"Why can't you understand that I am with you because I want to be with you? I don't know what it feels like to be over weight Addy, but I know what its like to have an imperfection."

I interrupted him, "Wait, what? What are you talking about Brax? What imperfection?" I asked him shocked that he could think he was anything less than perfect.

He laughed, "My eyes Addie, I have the eyes of a damn dog! People will not even look into my eyes, well most people, for more than a few seconds, like they are looking at some hideous birth defect, something gruesome, or horrible injury that turns there stomachs."