My story.

July 30th,2015

Hello, I can't tell you how stressful my week has been.
Let me go back to yesterday, so I was just reading here on wattpad and I had something on the back of my mind and I was barely paying attention to the book. And all of a sudden I was overcome with this sadness, and I just tear up at first and then I just couldn't hold back my uncontrollable sobs. I wanted to go outside and get some air but my mom caught me and asked if I was crying. I tried lying and faking a smile and saying no but she saw through my lies. Then my dad asked what's wrong and I just started crying even more and yelling at them saying "LEAVE ME ALONE." I just started acting like a maniac. I was in hysterics I started throwing shit and I just sobbed and (A) didn't come over to my house as planned. I don't think it bothered me as much as moving 1000 miles away to a foreign state. I feel more of an immigrant now than I did 14 years ago when I came from Greece. Anyways moving on I controlled myself and faked a smile and looked happy but I scared my parents they looked at me like I was a psychopath. I mean one minute I'm in hysterics throwing things off the shelves and the next I'm smiling and laughing and acting as if nothing had happened. I mean I do have bipolar disorder but never this extreme before. I have been depressed and feeling hopeless for some time now but not like yesterday.

Today I woke up at 6:30 and I said goodbye to my New Jersey apartment for the last time. I tried to control my emotions but it's very hard to bite your lip and control the tears. I've had things piled onto me these past couple of months. For example I have 5 hater accounts who steal my pictures and post them with vicious comments. My parents treat me like a piece of glass. My friends think I have an eating disorder which I keep denying. And I just keep to myself, I ignore texts from my friends, I lock myself in my room, I just pretend to be happy and I lie to myself and I actually think I'm happy until I realize I'm actually not. I have to be the perfect child I have to make sure no one worries because they don't need me to cause problems in their life.

(A) and I talked on the phone and it was nice, I told him about my breakdown and he was somewhat understanding. He just annoyed me a lot but after 5 years I'm used to it. But he wishes he saw me before I left and I do too but I guess life's not fair.

I miss my friends, I've become so homesick and I just want to go back to my home in New Jersey. It's home it's where I grew up. It's my life. But I don't have a choice in the matter anyways, I never do.
I want to matter to someone I want to mean something, I don't want these pointless relationships I keep just to see if I feel something.

But what are you gonna do about it? I'm in the car driving away as we speak and I feel like I'm being pulled from my roots as if someone's ripped something from my heart. Like something's missing from me. I guess it's just melodramatic teenage shit.

I hope you all enjoy your day and thank you for 18 views and two votes.