me to me | morgan fallen {on hold}

you were never mine

Kat watched him walk out and listened as his tires screeched out the driveway. Walking into the living room, her friends had left their blankets where they once laid watching Twilight.

Walking into the living room, Kat stood frozen. Why didn't she speak? Her eyes fixated on where he last stood.

Why didn't I stop him?

The question lingered in her head.

Biting her lip until it hurt, the physical pain served as a temporary fix for the emotional ache growing in her body. She hated the empty feeling in her apartment. She hated that her friends were gone. She hated that he was gone.

Strolling into the kitchen, she poured herself coffee in her usual mug. Numb to everything around, just following her routine. Leaving the full coffee cup there, her fingers trembled.

Reaching out to her phone, her fingers hesitated before checking her notifications. Nothing.

Of course. He meant what he said.

You were always going to be the one to ruin things.

The words replayed in her head like one of his sad songs. Throwing her phone down, it slid against the counter into some unopened scattered mail as she let out a loud scream.

Picking up her phone, she opened her messages directly to his name.

Kat: you know what? You don't get to be the one to end things like this and to walk out the door. I took a chance on you and for you to just throw it all away like it means nothing, I don't want to be the villain here. For sticking up for me.

She stared at the screen before realizing that she could scroll through the text that she was writing. Reading it through one more time, her hand hover over the erase button as she deleted it all.

This was not the time to be a psycho. She couldn't be the one to run back and reach out. Instead, she made her way to the couch and opened her camera roll. The videos of him in the driver seat and her in the passenger. The photos of them in places they shouldn't have been.

He wasn't hers to have.

But man, did he feel like a piece she needed to have. A part of home. A part of feeling something.... Love.

Although it was something she had never said out loud to him, she wished she had said the four letter word before he walked out.

But what would that have solved? Nothing.

Kat broke out of her trance from a knock on the door. Scurrying off the couch, she opened the door quickly only to be disappointed by her neighbor.

"Expecting someone?" she laughed as she held out her package.

Kat forced a smile, "No... thank you!".

The second the door shut, the tears streamed down her face as she sat down on the floor. Ugly, raw, and painful. The kind of sobbing that would echo through the whole house. Enough to make her stomach hurt in the morning.

It's like she was paralyzed with her knees, curled up to her body. It had felt like the whole day had gone by when her phone lit up, and she was broken out of her trance. Her body ached from being curled up in a ball.

The sun was already setting. How long had she been there for? Taking in her surroundings, she felt gross. She had fall asleep in a ball on the floor next to the front door.

Opening the girls groupchat as she got up, she ignored the messages that had spammed her phone as she typed out a message.

Kat: unwell but there is so much i want to say. just need some time <3

Dragging her lifeless body to the bathroom, she dunked her face in some cold water before brushing her teeth. Going to bed at 8 PM wasn't the worst thing.

Maybe in another lifetime.

She hadn't meant to be dramatic but maybe he was just a learning lesson — showing her the worst and best qualities she wanted and needed in a man. Someone who evoked a sense of adventure. A sense of risk. A sense of-

Her thoughts were cut off by his name appearing on her screen.

Morgan: I'm sorry I said that. It wasn't fair.

Ding.

Morgan: I'm still home but... thinking about someone else having the opportunity to make you laugh kills me. I just want to be the one that makes you smile. You make it easy.

She swallowed hard. Her chest ached at the thought of him pouring his heart into the text.

Kat: This isn't about someone else. It's about us together, we can't give each other what we need.

There was a pause... then some dots... and then more dots. Then nothing.

Then finally he replied.

Morgan: Yes we can. What happened to not giving up?

Kat blinked, tears forming in her eyes. It wasn't sadness or anger. It was hope. Exhaustion and hope.

She picked up the phone and put it on speaker as she turned the water off. Walking into her bed, she listened to the prolonged ringing.

"Hello?" his voice softly cracked from the other side.

She didn't say anything for a second before she answered, "I need you to show that you really care. You can't use it as an excuse".

"I know I- I am trying" he said.

She could hear the weight in his voice. In the hesitation. Was he going to say it? Kat wanted to say it. She wanted to say that she loved him but this wasn't the time.

"Okay" she breathed heavily.

"Ok" he replied.

Silence followed before she hung up and rested her head on the pillow.