me to me | morgan fallen {on hold}

i guess i'm the problem

"How have you been?" he asked as she closed her bedroom door for privacy.

"How have I been? I've felt forgotten about," she bluntly said. "It's been a shitty feeling. And now you come back and- UGH". She nearly wanted to pull her hair out in frustration.

Morgan sat down on the edge of the bed as she stood in front of him. "I guess I'm the problem".

Furrowing her eyebrows, Kat whipped her head to look at him. Not an ounce of reassurance, he was just victimizing himself. Was he drunk? "Are you high or something?" she asked in disbelief.

Morgan shook his head, "I have been trying to make this work. I have to hang out with women, they are part of my crew. You don't see me freaking out about men you're with".

"But that's different-" Kat started but Morgan stood up as she backed away instinctively.

"How so Kat?" Morgan raised his voice, not yelling but firm enough to make Kat take a deep breath and take a step back as he got up.

She felt her throat tighten as she spoke, "Because it is. Morgan with you it is. You know it is. The way you flirt, the drinking, the parties".

He stopped cold in his tracks. For a moment, his eyes flickered to an unidentifiable look before he stared at her— as if she just shot him.

"That's what you think?" he asked, his voice cracking slightly. "I'm flirting... for fun?".

Kat didn't answer as she tried not to make eye contact with him.

"Look at me Kat," he said, "I am not trying to fuck anything up with you. Clearly I am".

"I feel like a test subject Morgan. You waited for me not to pick up to come back. You haven't even told me to come out for a show," her eyes softened as she tried to keep her voice steady and stand her ground.

He rubbed the back of his neck as his jaw clenched, as much as he wanted to argue, he knew she was right. Despite all the opportunities, Morgan hadn't invited her to show or offered to fly her out, it had just been small talk.

"I don't want to loose you," Morgan said finally. "But I also don't know if I am good enough for you... if I'm enough for what you need".

He looked up at her, and this time, she could read him like a book. All she saw was tiredness. She couldn't tell if it was because she had become a responsibility for him or if he had given up, but it wasn't the tiredness that came from sleep.

"What are you saying Morgan?" Kat asked softly as she sat down on her bed.

"I came back to fix things Kat," he said. "Clearly I am the problem and can't fix shit".

Morgan stayed standing as the weight of her words still lingered in the air. It was like a suffocating smoke.

"You're not the problem Morgan... I just... I'm unsure. You think showing up at my door at midnight and keeping me up means something. And I understand... things are different with you. But it doesn't mean something. It just means you remembered my existence when your guilt swallowed your pride" she stated looking up at him.

Morgan flinched at the impact of her words, "I didn't come here out of guilt" he mumbled.

"Then what?" she asked in frustration. "The idea of me? Me being a safe space for you? I hear more from your fan pages than you about your whereabouts".

"I've never stopped wanting you or choosing you," he said. "It's always been you".

"And yet," she whispered in realization, "You only came when everything came crashing down. Like I was just someone who would wait around... not even an invite to come see you Morgan".

Tears began to cascade down her face as she slowly began to break down. She hadn't realized she was craving the words of being needed and wanted. His words had come as a wave of relief... that felt a little too late.

The quiet between them filled the room as he sat down next to her and held her, rubbing her back in small circles. Kat began to cry harder for awhile as she leaned into him smelling his familiar cologne. The smell she had craved for so long.