Innocence (Ben Bruce)

Chapter 36

I was bawling. I would wipe my years away but they would just come back.

I Burst through the front door not knowing what to do. I didn't know where to go, I didn't know why I'm like this. I was completely clueless. I'm just going to where my feet take me.

I walked down the porch and straight forward towards the street. I heard the front door open but I could care less

"Rachel wait!" Ben called out to me. I really despise the fact that after all this time, I still knew his voice perfectly. But it didn't matter, I ignored him and continued to walk

"Rachel, please hold on. I really need to ask you something" He breathed. I stopped walking and asked myself why I did such a thing. I hated myself right now and I regretted it. But I turned around in curiosity

"What." I snapped

"Thank you. Please, I want you to answer this honestly"

"Okay" I dryly said. I really had no interest in knowing what he wanted to ask.

"Promise?" Really? Fuck you Ben. Why did you have to bring out the 'promise me' reference? Like shut the fuck up.

"I promise" I pushed out through my gritted teeth. He took a deep breath and looked down to the floor

"That night, the last night we saw each other; when Emily kicked me out, when you said I 'hurt' you, the night that we ended... Why did you start crying? Why did you hurt yourself? H-how did I hurt you? What did I do wrong?" He asked pleasing for an answer with a sad look on his face. Fuck that. I'm not up for this

"I'm not answering that. I don't want to and I don't need to. It's none of your concern"

"You promised, and you know damn well that you don't break the promises you make" He said. Fuck why did he know that? Did I even tell him that?

"I never knew you were going to ask me that. If I did, I would of never promised you a thing" I said turning around to give him my back. Tears were about to pool out of my eyes again. The thoughts i was having were painful, and I didn't want him to see me cry once again

"Please" He begged

"NO!" I screamed as the tears swam out of my eyes

"It's the least I deserve! Emily made me leave without telling me why! We ended and I don't know why! I hurt you some way and I don't know why! You started crying and I don't know why! You fucking hurt yourself and I don't know why! I lost an important thing in my life AND I DONT KNOW WHY!"

"It doesn't matter. Leave me alone!" I cried

"It's the least I deserve, please Rachel I need to know why". I've had enough if this. He keeps asking and asking me something I don't want to answer, and right now only one solution came to mind. I turned around

" YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHY?!"

"Yes" He quietly said

"Fine. When I was younger, my father and I argued all the time. Everything I would do would get him angry" I sobbed as tears rolled down my cheeks

"My father, he loved to drink. So one night he drank and then came home with liquor in his hand and he got into and argument with me and got pissed off and you wanna know what happened! He threw a god damn bottle of scotch at my stomach! It exploded on impact and cut me, fucking deep, it left a scar and it's still there. You want to know why I started crying, why you hurt me, why Emily kicked you out? Fine. You squeezed the scar and It gave the same huge pain of me being stabbed again in my stomach that I had years ago that day. It hurt me, I told you let go and you wouldn't, and the longer you held me, the worse it got. THAT'S WHY. ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY NOW!?"I yelled sobbing my heart out. I put my hands on my face and hung my head crying. Ben didn't make a single facial expression or make a move nor a single noise. He knew. He knew it all. He knew why I cut myself. He knew about y dad. He knew why we ended.

"Rachel...." He trailed off

"I don't want you sympathy. I don't need it. I don't want you to feel bad for me"

"Rachel I'm so sorry" He quietly said

"For what?"

"For everything" He said taking a step closer to me. I could feel his hot breath on me. He was leaning and leaning and leaning and -

"Ben" A girl said. He turned around and I looked over his shoulder. Samantha was standing in the porch with her arms crossed in front of her chest

"Your girlfriend is looking for you" She said. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

What? Ben...Girlfriend... What.

Ben looked down with a disappointed look on his face. The last peices of my heart shattered and fell down to my stomach. I could feel it clearly.

You know those times when your with someone you care about and they are really special to you and you hear or read something they tell you and its something really sad and dark secret that hurts them and you just feel your heart shatter and all the little peices of glass clawing into the bottom of your stomach? Yeeaaahhh...

"Well.....umm" Ben mumbled.

"I guess i'll just see you later then" He said to me but not even looking at my face. He turned away and started walking away.

He almost kissed me....

Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.

Don't cry. Dot cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.

He walked into the house. Samantha looked up at me.

I cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried.

And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And cried.

I broke down. My heart ache and ached with pain. I was so tired of crying, but i just couldn't stop. What's wrong with me?

"Rachel, Oh Rachel don't cry please" Samantha pleaded while she walked towards me. I looked up at her the ought my swollen puffy eyes

"I just can't do this anymore. This is too hard. My life is a mess. I can't handle this" I said dropping my head on her shoulder. Here I am crying out my hearts content on the shoulder of a girl I barely know. But she didn't seem to mind one bit.

"Shh. Shh. It's okay, it's okay. Don't talk like that. That's crazy talk. It's okay" She whispered

"I want you to know that you can trust me. I won't judge you or say anything bad about you. I really like you and I want to help"

"Okay" I sobbed "Can we please take a walk? I don't want to be here right now" I asked

"Of course we can" She laughed.

And so we did. We went on a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooong

Walk.