Innocence (Ben Bruce)

chapter 18

We drove up to the beach and he was smiling

"Um, Ben what are we doing at the beach? Its like 10:30"

"Were gonna take a swim" He said while getting out

"But i don't have anything else to wear!" I exclaimed while frowning

"That's why you don't wear anything at all" He said smirking. Oh my. He walked by a couple bushes and grabbed logs of wood and put them in, he lit a match and threw it in, he then walked to the car and took out two towels. How did i not see that before. He set the towels down and stood in front of me. He didn't hesitate to take off his shirt and pants, he then looked me in the eyes telling me to do the same. I grabbed the hem of my dress and dragged it up over my head, he eye-balled my body and sighed. I un-strapped my bra and there it on the chair, He smirked and slipped off his boxers. Holy shit. He was huge. If we ever have sex, I'm gonna be in a shitload of pain. My eyes widened a bit and he smiled. I raised and eyes brown and slid down my underwear. When I looked up I was stopped by Ben kissing me passionately

"C'mon love lets get in" He said while picking me up on his shoulder. I squealed

"Put me down!"

"It depends, where do you wants me you put you on" He said smirking

"Only if its on you" I continued

"Oh i bet you would love that wouldn't you" he said huskily

"Shut up!" I laughed "Now put me down!"

"Only if you get in" He laughed

"Fine!" He put me down and waited. I walked up to the shore and stuck my toe in. Shivers ran throughout my body

"HELL NO" I yelled running back to him "ITS FUCKING FREEZING" He collapsed on the sand clutching his stomach while laughing. Its not funny" I said pouting and crossing my arms

He shot up and picked me bridal style"WOOO NOOOOO! NOOOO" I screamed in terror into his chest prepared "AHHHHH" I screamed as the cold shot up my spine, Ben started snorting and I bursted out laughing. I pushed his chest so that he could fall into the water but he took me along with him, so were were on the floor and I was on his chest. We both stopped laughing and just layed there in the water naked. He was rubbing small circles on my back, I nearly fell asleep. He lifted my my head and placed it on his chest

"We should get out of the water love, we can go cuddle by the fire" I smiled at the thought. We got up and he intertwined out fingers. We walked to the fire and I got chills he handed me a towel, I stuck out my left to grab it and wrapped the towel around my body

"Rachel?" Ben asked

"Yes?"

"What are those dark lines and spots on your arms?" He asked curiously. O looked down at my arm in confusion and then the memory hit me. I felt a pit in my stomach.

"Oh its nothing" I lied

"Don't lie to me"

"Ben its nothing"

I felt tears prickling in my eyes. He tilted my head and and i just let myself cry. He hugged me into his chest

"You can trust me with anything. I want you to know that"

I did trust him. For the short time that ive known him, I trusted him with my life.

Its weird though.

Have you ever met somebody and you just instantly feel safe around them? Like nothing could hurt you if you were with them? You would tell everything to this person because you knew that they would understand and not judge you. You would go to this person with all your problems and they would just listen and not complain. You'd could tell them the darkest things and they would still love you. Thats what I felt.

"Promise me that you wont get mad."

He didnt even hesitate

"I promise."

And there it was, those two words that I took so seriously

"Ben, ive um-"

"You can trust me" he interrupted

"Ive cut myself without using a blade..."

"What do you mean?" hHe asked

"Ive scratched myself, Ive bled and it left marks. that's where the scars are from." His face fell. I couldn't take this, I felt the tears coming back

"Why?"

"Because." I said dryly

"Why" He insisted

"Because I have anxiety, and I get depressed. I get so angry and i cant help it. Ive even starved myself before because i hate my body that much, I think the worst possible of myself. Sometimes I do it and don't even notice. I get this awful pit feeling in my stomach. Oh that reminds me, Ive forced myself to throw up before. i told you, I hate myself" I said realizing that I said things I didn't want to. A tear fell from his face

"I don't know why you think that of yourself or why you would do that"

"BECAUSE BEN! I'm a fucking hideous person. I don't even know why your here with me. I'm a horrible person. You could just go find yourself a model or someone pretty. Your wasting your time. I'm a messed up person and I'm worthless" I trailed off. Ben backed up from me and looked me in the eyes

"How dare you say that Rachel? yYou are absolutely beautiful. stunning actually. I will never fully understand why you have cut yourself or starved yourself or simply put a finger in your mouth. You are beyond perfect, to me, to Emily, to Angel to anyone. If anyone else thinks otherwise then they are bloody crazy. I love your body. you are so attractive to me Rachel. Rachel I want you. I want to be with thee Rachel Hernando. Not a model. And I am with someone pretty. Wait no. Gorgeous. According to me, I'm never wasting my time with you. Especially now. I don't care if your messed up or bloody crazy. I like you the way you are. You are worth more than you think. Your a gem to me"

I started to cry extremely hard, he hugged me tightly and said

"I want to sing to you. Its my favorite song. Its from Of Mice And Men" hHe picked up his guitar, sat me down and sang

"Here in this world I'm awaked with mistakes but its love that keeps fueling me. Pretty little lady with the swollen eyes wont you show them to me. I know im not that perfect but just stay a while maybe then you'll see. Miles away I can still feel you lay your head down on my embrace, my embrace, far away. Pretty little lady with the swollen eyes would you show them to me, I know that I'm not that perfect but just wait a while then maybe you'll see. Don't give up baby I know things are shaky just let love consume us, sume us, ahh. Here in this world I'm awaked with mistakes but its love that keeps fueling me, true love yeahh, Miles away I can still feel you lay your head down on my embrace being afraid to love me pretty little lady with the swollen eyes wont you show them to me. I know im not that perfect but just stay a while maybe then you'll see"


I felt my eyes get heavy at the sound of his voice and soon enough I was asleep.