Stuck on the puzzle

Certainity

Phoebe's perspective

"To be honest, I feel like a very neglectful singer. I feel like throwing up on every fan." I overhear the lads' conversation as I sit on the ferry's deck, petting Ben. After about 15 minutes of box carrying, we headed to the harbor and took the 8:30 ferry.

"It's not the case, man. They can kinda be shitty as well."

"I dunno 'bout you, but I'm the lead singer and I have to be a dick sometimes. So I personally don't have anything to object if you're suing the dude." I flinch at Alex's raspy voice but still pretend not to listen. Instead I smile.

His voice. His eyes. His skinny cheeks. His black hair, brown reflexions sparkling every time I look at him. The way he uses so much hair gel, he has to buy one every two days.

*flashback*

"Love, I'm going out." He says, unlocking the door, preparing to light up a cigarette.

"Alright, Al. Take care." I say, from under the covers.

"Aren't you going to question where I am going so early in the morning?" He rests his hand on the doorknob, his gaze reaching me across the hallway, through the bedroom's door. His violet lips- from all the kissing from last night- curve into a smirk.

"Why would I? I know you aren't doing anything wrong. I trust you." I say in a sleepy voice.

"Alright then. See ya." He closes the door with a little slam. I lay back on the pillows and mentally pretend to wake up.

Seconds later, the door opens again:

"I'm going to buy some hair gel, kiddo. I love you." He says, sunglasses now hiding his beautiful eyes, then close the door quietly.

You couldn't leave things like that, Alexander, could you...? Frankly, it becomes easier to get up if you have a smile on your face...

*end of flashback*

"... Stop it, twat." Alex says, laughing. Smoke reaches me and I flinch. Those are his cigarettes. I could recognize that smell even he'd stop smoking for three years. "She's only 19." He adds, referring to me. Agh, so they're gossiping now.

"I didn't mean now. But I'd really love to see you carrying a diaper-staining machine. That would be the real deal, mate." Jamie says. The thought of having a baby makes me smile. Having a baby with Alex makes me smile. But just as he said, I'm only 19. We're not married. And haven't even started our life together, in a real house, in the centre of what we will do with our future. Things are perfect just the way they are, for now. I want to love Alex. Alex only, for some time. I feel like I never really show him I love him.

Silence overwhelms, everyone probably waiting for a reply. Alex and I haven't assessed the baby subject, mainly because it's too early for either of us, but I still want to know his opinion on the matter, because one of my life goals is having a baby with the person I love. And I don't love anyone else but Alex. After what feels like forever, a faint syllable makes its way to me:

"...Yeah..." Startled, I turn around and look at them. Alex has his legs sprawled on a chair. His lips are curved in a huge smile. He is nodding absently, as though he were picturing something in his head. I turn away from them and look at the ocean. I have nothing to worry about.

***

"My baby! I've missed you so much!" Alex whispers, hugging his Cadillac's perfectly polished front. "Thank you guys for bringing it. For polishing it and all. I knew that leaving you the keys would be a good idea." He looks at them, his eyes widening in content.