Epiphany

32:

- Hadia -

"Zaki, come on, baby, otherwise we'll be late." I said to the three year old sitting on the ground. "No," he pouted, crossing his little arms. I sighed, "Mama's gonna be late, and then she'll given out to." I told him.

But his grumpy little face told him he won't be moving that easily. "No." He repeated, this time looking away. I crouched down to sit beside him, getting glances from the students passing by. "What's wrong Zaki, you're normally so excited for these?" I asked, trying to get him to look at me.

He slowly turned his head to me, "Mama." He quietly said. "Yes, my little cutie?" I asked. "Where's my papa?" He innocently asked but caused my breath to hitch. I swallowed back, unsure what to reply. We've never had this conversation, but I was always aware this would come up some day.

"Why is my baby asking so suddenly?" I asked, holding his little hand. "All my friends in school have mama and papas, but I only have Mama." He said, innocently tilting his head.

What would a mother tell her three year old that she left his dad? because he didn't trust her? she left because he wasn't willing to listen to her.

"Well, my little baby has his Mama, right?" I said, I stood up, removing the dust off my clothes and then scooped him up, "and I have my little Zaki."I said, pecking his cheek. He giggled as he wrapped his hands around my neck.

"Now we really need to hurry up. Otherwise, Adam's gonna be really mad if we're late." I said, walking into the building.

-

"You are an amazing teacher, Hadia, and kids absolutely love you." Adam said, walking over to me as the parents collected their children. Thanks to Adam, who was a senior when I was studying, I managed to work part time with children's coding. This was a fun way to teach kids how to code while also having Zaki with me.

"No problem, I'm just happy with the enthusiasm and hard work they give me." I replied. "Yes, and thanks to that, our university is recognized as the best early tech initiative across the country. Other universities and board what's to learn and adapt from us." He excitedly said.

"This is a huge thing. You really worked hard, Haida." He smiled. "It's not a big deal. After all, it's for young children who are eager to grow." I smiled, looking at Zaki, who was too busy pressing keys with his little finger.

"Mama, look." He shouted and pointed to something on his screen. "So same time next week?" Adam asked, also looking at Zaki. "You know it." I smilied. "Perfect, we might also have some investors and board members observing." He added.

My smile shrank a little. "I'll have to teach in front of them?" I asked. I was getting used to working with either kids or behind a screen.

"You'll do amazing. You don't need to worry about them." He replied. "Thanks, Adam. But this is a big thing, with investors and board members. One mistake, and it can lead to problems to this university and others here." I said.

"Hey, listen. You've been doing this for the past 3 years now. You're a natural at it, and most importantly, you love what you're doing. If you can't do it, no one can. I believe in you." He said, smiling.

"Thanks, Adam. I'll do my utmost best." I replied, my smile present, but not confident enough.

Holding Zaki's hand, we started walking home. "Mommy, can we have nuggys?" Zaki asked. "Sure, Zaki, we'll have nuggets." I smiled, walking towards our small house.

As we entered the house, I received a phone call. Ushering Zaki inside, I quickly handed him a puzzle set and told him I'd be taking a phone call.

I quickly closed the bedroom door behind me. "Miss Hadia, you didn't come today." She said. "I- um had different plans." I replied.

"You do know how important this is, right Miss Hadia?" She asked. "I do." I quietly answered. "Then, what have you decided?" She asked.

I looked at the picture of me and Zaki on the table in front of me. "And um, what if I ask for some time?" I asked. "It's not up to me, Miss. And you're already past that." She replied.

I paused, I wasn't too sure what to say next.. my mind going numb. "I understand Miss Hadia. You mentioned you had a son." She spoke. "I suggest you think long and hard and get back. But I would highly recommend you think this through quickly. For your own sake and your son's." She said.

"Take care, and I hope to hear from you soon." She said, ending the phone call.

I sighed, looking at the lock screen. What am I supposed to do, I feel so lost, so distant and alone.

Before I could get lost any deeper in my thoughts, the door handle jiggled.

"Mama? Are you in there?" Zaki's little voice. I quickly got up, like i had just been caught. "Mama!" I heard another shout.

"Coming Zakariya." I quickly replied, opening the door. "Finally, Mama." He said as we started on dinner.

After dinner, I finally managed to give Zaki a bath without getting wet in the process and got him to bed. "Mama." He said in his cute tone. As I tucked him in and sat down beside him.

"Yes, love?" I asked. "I want to meet my papa." He sleeply said. "But Zaki-" i tried coming up with something to say to the three year old.

"Papa." He softly spoke as his eyes closed and fell asleep. I carefully brushed his hair off his little head.

"How do I tell you that I disappeared from his life." I asked, more to myself. "How do I tell you that I haven't seen him for the past four years, but somehow I still think of him."

"How I named you after the name both me and your papa thought of." I smiled like an idiot. "How you look like your papa when you smile. Your big eyes. You remind me of him every day, every minute." I said.

I bent down to the box under the bed. Slowly pulling the heavy box, I took off the lid and removed the random objects I out on top until I pulled out the album of Zaki and me. I made this picture album for Zaki's first year, with all his baby pictures. I flipped through all of them, seeing how fast Zaki is growing.

I flipped to the last picture. The picture that somehow slipped here. It was the picture of Mustafa and me on our wedding day. That our siblings took of us.

"How would you react seeing Zakariya?" I asked, looking at the picture.