Epiphany

35:

- Hadia -

Even though I could see Zaki wasn't planning to head to bed any time soon, he thankfully listened to me and went to sleep. I kissed his little forehead, leaving his little car lamp on and leaving the room.

I headed out the room, decideding to clean the kitchen before going to sleep. I had decided to skip dinner, because my siblings and Mustafa were here and helping Zaki eat, as well as my stomach couldn't take anything in without me feeling any worse.

I had turned towards the sink, when Mustafa came up standing beside me. "Give me a minute." He said, as all my attention was towards the dishes in the sink. "I'm listening", I said, not wanting to look at him.

"Hadia, seriously. Stop washing the dishes and just listen." He gently said, sounding like he was trying to hold himself together. "I am." I said, putting my hand on my hip and glancing towards him.

He looked at me, as if studying me. Before taking a deep breath and talking again. "How have you been?" was the first thing he asked, kind of taking me by surprise. "Good." I nodded. He sighed.

He nodded. "Listen, I want to first of all apologize for what happened those years ago. I shouldn't have said that, and I have and still do regret everything I said." He said looking at me.

"I damn missed you every moment I lived those four years. Wondering how you were doing, how hard you must have worked, knowing what you must have gone through. I tried finding you. I looked everywhere for you." He spoke, as if he didn't say all of this now, he wouldn't ever be able to.

I looked at him now, "As you can see I'm fine, and I'm doing well. So you don't have to worry about me any more." I replied flatly. He sighed, looking at me again. I looked away, my sight landing on the little drawing Zaki had drawn, his gaze followed.

"You know, Zakariya is just like you." He commented. Before I could answer, Aliza walked in with Ahmad following her.

Making me look at her, she grown in the past few years, turning into a beautiful young woman. Until the memory's of how she left for baba returned, I looked away, tears forming in my eyes, but I held back.

"Api, I'm so sorry, I should have listened to you then, I shouldn't have went back to baba." She whispered. "I hated myself when I heard Ahmad bhai and Mustafa bhai tell you left. I wish I had been a better sister." She added. "Can you please forgive me?" She asked, almost crying.

I didn't answer, as I quietly pulled out a chair and sat down, before I fell down. She kneeled beside me, "You know api-" she sniffled, "I finally did it." She smiled. "After a while baba made me quit uni, but Mustafa bhai helped so much. He helped me leave baba and move back in with bhai. He helped me get my scholarship back, and then I became a pilot for the top airline." she smiled, placing her badge in my palm.

"Please api, I don't know what I would have done without you. I'm so sorry." She cried, as I hugged her back, unable to hold the tears and heart ache I was feeling. I held Aliza for a long time.

Longer than I thought I would. Long enough for the ache in my chest to settle. Her shoulders shook against mine, her tears soaking into my sleeve, and I realized, quietly that I was tired of holding onto all these built up emotions.

"You were young," I finally whispered, my voice cracking. "You didn't know how to fight him. I did." She pulled back just enough to look at me, eyes red and swollen. "But you were alone."

I swallowed hard. "No", I said honestly. "I had myself and Zaki." Ahmad stepped forward then, his face drawn with guilt I'd seen etched into him for years. "I failed you," he said simply. "As your brother. I should've fought harder, I should have listened to you." I closed my eyes.