Light Under The Glooms (MPS#2) | ✓

Chapter 40

Chapter 40

I was raised by kindness—in small acts, in gentle manner and soft voices, in actions made without anything in return. It has been my nature to be kind since I was a kid.

One thing I knew was I've always found myself putting others first—their needs, their comfort, even their stories, before I think of my own. Not because I have to, but because it's what I believe is right.

But life taught me a lesson.

It was a lesson for me to choose myself first over others. So I ran away from the pains just to chase for my own peace. I learned to share my deepest wounds with the ones who were ready to hear me out.

At habang tumatagal, napagtanto ko na hindi naman pala masama na unahin muna ang sarili bago ang iba. Hindi kabawasan ang magkwento at magsabi sa mga taong handang makinig.

I know someone might say they found peace in not knowing, in keeping their problems hidden. But for me, sometimes healing starts when you are answered.

It's not your fault.

Those words somehow comfort me… heals me, like a patch that covers scars. As if those words were a needle with strings that slowly stitched my broken self into a new one again.

Nagpakawala ako ng buntong-hininga. Ang malamyos na kanta sa simbahan ay dumagdag para kumalma ako. As I gently knelt myself on the wooden kneeler in a dimly lit church; hands put together with a bowed head, I shut my eyes to pray. I prayed not for miracles but forgiveness.

I surrendered myself to Him.

Hindi ko mapigilan ang maging emosyonal. Napahikbi ako nang tahimik. Ang musika at ang mainit na luha ang nagbibigay ng init sa puso ko. Ibinuhos ko ang lahat sa Kaniya. Ang guilt… ang bigat na matagal kong tinago at dinala.

Nang magmulat ako ay ‘saka ko lang tinuyo ang pisngi. Gumaan ang loob ko. Ngumiti ako nang makita ang pagsilip ng liwanag mula sa malaking bintana.

I finally found an answer.

In this sacred place, I finally let go of the blames and guilt that were never mine to hold.

Dumiretso ako sa coffee shop nang matapos ang misa. Magkikita kasi kami ngayon ni Yuel. Nag-order lang ako ng isang hot chamomile tea, at naupo rin agad malapit sa glass wall kung saan kita ang labas.

While waiting for my order, also at Yuel, I scanned the interior design of the shop—warm lights hung from the ceiling, enough to cast a cozy glow over wooden tables. The air was filled with the comforting smell of freshly ground beans, the kind of scent that wraps around you like a soft blanket on a rainy day. The ambiance was familiar to me, somehow comforting and full of care—it screams Yuel.

“English try mo,” rinig kong sabi ng dalaga sa likuran ko. “Hindi ata siya local…”

“Sige, ako na kakausap.”

Natigil ako sa pagtingin sa buong shop ng humarang ang dalawang dalaga. May ngiti ang labi nila habang nakatingin sa akin.

“Uhm, Hi, Miss…” panimula nong may maikli na buhok. “Do you mind switching tables with us? We badly want that seat because of the view…”

Kinagat ko ang laman ng pisngi.

“Yes, over there… vacant, yes…” usal nang may mahabang buhok.

“Gusto ko rin kasi sa pwesto na ito,” pagsagot ko.

“Pinay naman pala… Gano'n po ba? Sige salamat na lang po, ate ganda.”

Nginitian ko lang sila. At nang mawala sila sa paningin ko ay para akong natanggalan ng tinik sa dibdib; hindi dahil umalis sila, kun'di dahil kaya ko na rin ang humindi. Kaya ko na rin ang unahin ang sariling kagustuhan.