To The Moon and Back [A Doctor Who fanfiction]

Hot Mess

A look settled on the Doctor's face as if he had been punched in the stomach. He stood up and stumbled backwards, running his hand down his face and leaning up against the railing. "What have I done?" I heard him mutter to himself. The heat subsided in me for a second, but as soon as I remembered all of the pain I felt while I was being eaten alive, it all came rushing back. I stood up and walked over to him, the memories fueling my fire of anger and hate.

"You didn't know about CAL, did you?" I asked, my voice steady. He shook his head. "You didn't think I would live, did you?" He shook his head again. "So, when you turned away from me calling out to you for help," My voice wavered for a second but I took a deep breath and continued. "You knew that I was being led off to die." He put his head in his hands, nodding slightly. "You're a monster." I said, looking at him in disgust. "I don't know why I agreed to travel with you in the first place."

"Don't say that." He said quietly, his head still in his hands. He looked up at me to reveal his face wet with tears, his eyes red from silently crying. I saw the hurt in his eyes and realized how much my words were affecting him. "Please, don't say that to me." More tears slipped down his face and my breath caught in my throat.

He fell to the floor at my feet, his hands clutching his head. I could see he was sobbing but no sound came out. I tried to keep my strong face on but my eyes betrayed me, a single tear slipping down my face. Many others quickly followed it and I wiped them off my face, angry at my own emotions.

I opened my mouth to shoot another hateful comment at him but nothing came out. I took a deep breath and tried again, trying to remember the anger I felt when I was in CAL. "I hate you." I finally spat out. He cried out in pain and I wished I could take the words back.

I remembered what River had asked me to do, asked me to forgive him, and my hatred suddenly melted away. I let a sob escape from my mouth and let the tears stream down my face, and I slid down the railing next to the Doctor, wrapping my arms around him.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." I blubbered out. He sat up slowly, leaning his back against the railing next to me. He wrapped his arms around me and we sobbed into each other's shoulders, tightly clinging to each other.

"I love you so much, Bella." He said after a while, his voice unsteady. More tears cascaded down my face and I hugged him tighter. "I love you too." I finally replied, more sobs escaping my throat.

We hung on to each other for a few more minutes before loosing our grip slightly and looking at each other's faces.

"If that's how you look I'm scared to see how I look." The Doctor said, chuckling slightly. "Oh, shut up." I said, leaning in and surprising him with a kiss. I kissed him passionately, running my hands through his moist hair as he rested his hands on the back of my neck.

We broke apart after a minute, and I pushed sticky strands of hair out of my face. "We're a hot mess." I said, making him smile slightly. "We are," He said. We hugged tightly, still breathing heavily from crying.

We broke apart after a minute, wiping our eyes. I leaned over, putting my head on his shoulder and he reached over and slipped his hand into mine. "We still need to talk." I said after a couple seconds. "I know." He said, sighing.

"Why did you let me die?" I asked after a couple minutes. "I wanted to help you, I really did, but there was nothing I could do. I had forgotten about CAL, so I didn't think to tell you about her."

I remembered River and moved my head to look him in the eye. "That leads to another thing," I began, squinting my eyes at him. "So, when I was in CAL, I met this lovely woman named River." A combination of fear and guilt flashed across the Doctor's face and I continued. "Why didn't you tell me you were married?" I asked him, crossing my arms.

He closed his eyes, knitting his eyebrows together and pinching the bridge of his nose as if fighting back a headache. "Bloody hell. Bella, I can explain." "I'm sure you can." I said, tilting my head back and looking down my nose at him. "It's, I just, I didn't," He groaned and covered his face with his hands again. "I screwed up so badly." He murmured.

"She wanted me to tell you," I began, and he slid his hands down his face so they were only covering his mouth and looked at me nervously. "That she forgave you." The Doctor breathed a sigh of relief and shook his head. "She said that based on what I told her, it seemed like you really cared about me, and she just wants you to be happy." I finished, breathing out of my nose.

He let his arms flop to the floor and he laughed slightly through choppy breaths. "That could've ended so badly," He said, breathing another sigh of relief. "You never know, it still could." I said, squinting my eyes at him again, raising one of my eyebrows.

"You're the most beautiful girl in the world." He said to me hopefully, an awkward smile sliding onto his face. I crossed my arms again, still squinting at him. "It's going to take a lot to get out of this one." He said finally, running his hand through his hair. "Yep." I said, raising the other eyebrow.