You can probably guess what this is going to be right? Well I'm going to shove it in your face anyway because I have to get it out of my system if I want to move on and keep going with the flow AND ignoring my feelings and let downs through my life.
I feel like shit. I don't know what depression feels like but i think I have a pretty good description . I feel like I'm floating through a shit storm of everything exploding at once. I constantly worry about my friends and family. I hate bothering my friends and whenever I want to do something I feel guilty interrupting them. I know some of my friends are going to be reading this and they might have things to say about what I'm going to say but oh well because it has to come out.
It's August finally and most of this damned summer has consisted of me being alone and being scared and guilty wanting to text someone and forcing them to hang out with me. I DONT KNOW WHY I DONT WANT TO DISTURB THEM . I DONT KNOW WHY WHEN I ASK 'hey can we actually do something today' IN A GROUP MESSAGE ONLY TWO FUCKING PEOPLE ACKNOWLEDGE I SAID SOMETHING AND NOTHING ENDS UP FUCKING HAPPENING.
I don't know if I'm the one at fault . I don't know why I'm mad at the world or why I feel like I being ignored and talked about when I'm not somewhere. But holy hell I've been in my house not doing ANYTHING FOR LIKE A FUCKING MONTH I sat here and waisted my time feeling sorry for myself and feeling like I'm the piece of shit that made no one like me and made them hate me and not want to spend time with me anymore.
Now most of the people I hang out with took summer school to get a class out of the way. Most did sports also which took up more of their day. My best friend I felt guilty about asking to do something because I don't want to interrupt her or made her mad at me for being such a bitch and having to ask things over and over to make sure I get the plans and details right. I don't want to sound greedy and I'm probably jumping to conclusions but oh my fuCKING GOD . IS IT ME?! DO THEY NOT WANT TO DO ANYTHING WOTH ME BECAUSE THEY SEE EACH OTHER EVERY FUCKING DAY AND IM SAT AT HOME CRYING TO MY POSTERS BECAUSE MY DOG WONT SIT THERE AND LISTEN?!.
Is this bad? Have I finally lost it? But these weeks on end being alone in my house and helping my sick dad and watching my sister have fun doing things with her friends , has been really fucking pitiful and I feel like I'm nothing. I feel like I'm a ghost . If that makes sense . BACK TO SCHOOL SEASON HIT ME UP BECAUSE IM SO FUCKING READY FOR YOU.
I'm repetitive but sad *insert that sad pepe meme thing*
YOU ARE READING
Complaining
Novela Juvenilwell climb aboard onto the roller coaster that is life and lets explore the inner tracks of my brain and try to find that one place that wont stop playing that song. thank you for your time.
