when the visor goes down | formula one oneshots

i'm with you - carlando

"it's a damn cold night, tryin' to figure out this life. won't you take me by the hand and take me somewhere new?"

It was a cold night. Lando stood on the bridge, staring into the pitch black night. The water underneath was crashing into the walls below him, giving into the cold breeze. The clouds were covering up the sky, stealing any chance of stargazing tonight.

The weather reflected how he felt.

He has been waiting for a while now. They were supposed to meet half an hour ago, at sunset. Carlos had just sent him a text. It wasn't much, just that he wanted to talk to him. Then he attached a location and a time.

Lando could've said no. He could've ignored the message, but if Carlos wanted to talk to him after all this time, he was not the one to deny him. He could tell himself that he would've been strong enough to say no, to tell Carlos he could go to hell, but he stopped lying to himself on that matter a while ago.

So there he was, waiting for Carlos who was half an hour late, hoping that all of this wasn't some cruel joke that would break Lando's heart again.

Lando shivered.

He was getting cold fast, but there was still no one approaching him. The longer he waited, the more doubt settled into his mind. Was Carlos really capable of leaving him here like that? Was he cruel enough to play such a game? Did he mean nothing to him anymore?

He started thinking about Carlos, about their past and everything that had happened between them.

After they broke up, they had slowly drifted apart. Not on purpose, really. They even tried to stay good friends, promising each other that nothing would change between them. Yet the reality crept in faster than they thought and made them break their promises rather quickly. The truth was that Lando was still in McLaren and Carlos now in Ferrari. They both had to focus on their team's success. Besides that, it was a season where everything was new for the both of them. For Carlos it was a new team, a new car and a new teammate. For Lando, it was to learn to live without Carlos by his side and taking over the role of the senior driver of the team.

With his new role, he had no problem. He learned a lot from Carlos and was long enough in the team to know how things worked around him. The other part though, it was hard for Lando. He missed him as his teammate. The feeling of constantly being around Carlos, feeling safe and protected. To have someone that was looking out for him in the cruel world of Formula One. Someone, that gave him the advice he needed and that had become his best friend in the sport. Of course that was only half truth.

What he missed more than his teammate was his boyfriend Carlos. The one away from all of this. But whenever he looked at him, he didn't know if there was a trace left of the Carlos he once knew.

It all seemed so easy for him. He was getting along well with Charles, their friendship steadily evolving, not only on social media but also in private. Lando saw their private stories, hanging out outside of work. Nevertheless Ferrari still made them look like the perfect poster boys. It really felt like Lando was slowly losing his mind, while Carlos couldn't care less about his ex-team, ex-teammate or ex-boyfriend.

But there were these little moments, the ones that let Lando doubt everything. Because he saw the way Carlos looked at him sometimes, a glance that lingered a little too long or a touch that wasn't supposed to be there.

It made him spiral, reminded him of other times. Times where everything was good between them, when they were still in the same team and shared everything. The little moments between them nobody saw. The endless laughs in their driver rooms and the little kisses between sessions. Of course all in secret, but they were still their moments and nobody could take them away from them.