November 4 2019
Mateo had been fussy all evening. At first, AJ thought it was overstimulation from the hospital. Then maybe teething. He refused to eat dinner. His skin felt warm. Too warm.
AJ was holding him in the rocking chair, gently bouncing him, when she felt it:
A subtle twitch in his left arm.
Then again.
She froze.
AJ - David
she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
Dave looked up from the kitchen.
AJ- Babe, he's... twitching. Look at this. It's rhythmic.
Dave walked over and placed a hand on Mateo's arm.
Dave - You sure it's not just baby flailing?
AJ's eyes were wide now—clinical, sharp, terrified.
AJ -No. It's focal. Left side only. Repeating. Look—look at his eye—Dave, his right pupil's dilating—Dave, I think he's seizing—
And then Mateo went still.
---
**12:05 AM | Emergency Department, Pediatric Wing**
AJ paced the hall outside the peds trauma room, fists clenched, heart in her throat.
She had handed him off. She had *handed her son off* to a peds neuro resident she didn't even like. But she knew—she *had* to know—that staying in the room would make her implode.
Dave stood nearby, silent, trying not to fall apart too.
AJ - Why didn't I see it sooner? The staring spells this week. The clinginess. The heat. He's been off. I should have known—*I'm Neuro*, Dave.
AJ- You're his mom
Dave said softly.
Dave - You see him as your son. Not a case.
AJ blinked hard, jaw clenched.
AJ- I can't separate the two right now.
The trauma doors swung open. The peds attending came out.
Dr Lee-We stopped the seizure. He's stable. We're monitoring his EEG now. He's not febrile anymore, and he responded to the benzos.
AJ didn't breathe.
Dr Lee- But —-
the doctor added
Dr lee- we saw some irregular spikes. Temporal lobe. Possibly focal epilepsy. We want to keep him overnight. Run a full panel. MRI in the morning.
AJ nodded stiffly.
AJ 1 I want to read the scan myself.
The doctor hesitated.
Dr Lee -AJ...
She didn't flinch.
Aj- I'm reading it.
---
2:11 AM | Pediatric Observation Room
Mateo was asleep, tiny and curled, wires gently wrapped around his head. AJ sat beside him, her hand resting on his blanket.
Dave stood behind her.
Dave - He's okay
he said softly
Dave - We'll figure this out.
AJ didn't look up.
AJ - I've counseled hundreds of parents through this diagnosis. But this? This feels like I'm drowning with my hands tied.
Dave walked around to kneel in front of her.
Dave - You don't have to be Dr. Sanchez right now.
AJ looked at him—raw, exhausted.
AJ - I don't know how to be anyone else when it's life or death.
Dave reached for her hand.
Dave - Then let me be the parent. Let me carry this part. We'll get answers together. You don't have to fix it alone.
She finally let herself lean into his touch, forehead resting against his.
---
**Final Beat**
Later that night, when the ward quieted down, Lexie appeared in the hallway, holding two coffees and a blanket.
Lexie - I heard
she said gently.
Lexie - We're all here if you need anything. The team's with you
AJ just nodded, lips pressed tight.
Lexie added,
Lexie - I didn't want to say it in front of anyone... but you once told me cracking is part of caring.
AJ managed the faintest smile.
AJ- Feels different when it's your own kid.
Lexie handed her the blanket.
Lexie - Still counts. We've got you, Dr. Sanchez.
