Why?(a Matt Espinosa Fanfic)

Chapter 17

I walked through the empty, trashed valley of  California as i received many unwanted catcalls from Pervy strangers. The only memory I hold onto is the one which I experienced last night. It all started as I was heading home from sammys after our argument. I was so angry, so careless and so heartbroken that I lied to him.

First thing, straight out of nowhere, I did was open the medicine cabinet and pulled out anything I could lay my hands on.

Painkillers, pills, antibiotics, anything and I downed it like it was my only option.

My head and chest began to hurt but I didn't care..

All I wanted was the feeling to be loved again and I jeopardised that in my relationship. All I could think about was harming myself like I harmed Sammy...and Matt.

But I gave up. I chucked the drugs and vomited my heart out down the toilet.

I thought to myself. What would my mother do. How would she handle things.

I began crying and sobbing at the thought of my mother.

When she died.... All I remember thinking was "this is my fault" and "if I had been there this wouldn't have happened"

But sooner than later I stopped blaming myself and started blaming cancer. And the only person who was there for my through thick and thin and night and day was Matt. I still and always will love him. It just can't be Sammy any more.

I final arrived at the shopping mall and headed to Starbucks to get a refresher and clear my throbbing head.

I started taking up yoga as a way to meditate and stay away from stress because that was all that was going on in my life.

After I shopped and tried on thousands of clothes and shoes, I began feeling knackered so I headed home. To Sammy.

As I arrived I realised that I left my home keys. "Shit" I thought as I jumbled through my bag hoping to find them.

"Ugh" I finally let out before obnoxiously knocking at the door.
"Hellooooo? Sammy? It's Beth, open up"

But there was no answer.

Frustrated, I hauled myself to the main reception of the apartment and asked for a spare key. To my luck, I received it and bolted to the door hoping to find Sammy sound asleep with the TV open as usual.

I opened the door and slowly walked up to the bedroom which surprisingly was locked.

I spread my arms wide and opened the door

"Hey Sam-" I said before being hit by a truck full of pain and anger.

Lying there, under the covers was Sammy and a skinny brunette chick wrapping herself around him like he was her Siamese twin. Fast asleep.

"SAMMY WTF" I yelled as he woke up in shock.

"Beth- Bethany, I can explain" he said as they both bounced up wide awake, the girl covering herself.

"How fucking dare you" I screamed in her face, dragging the covers down, revealing her naked body.

"Please, Bethany, don't get angry, I- we can explain" she innocently said.

"I want you to get the fuck up and dress yourself and leave my fucking home bitch, there is no 'we' "

"Hey, don't talk to her like that Bethany, it's not her fault" Sammy defended.

"Then who's fault is it, fuckboy? Mine?"I impatiently yelled.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, it is." He replied.