Redemption - Fourth Wing

49. Wings

Chex's Pov
I ran off.
They were laying below me, and the rock was harsh against their skin, and their face kept twisting between pleasure and pain, and they were bound to die very soon, and I couldn't do it.
Their eyes were full of sorrow, but their touch was gentle. I couldn't find the courage to look at Ronny; I was sure bitter disappointment glimmered in his slitted pupils.
Now, waves rippled around my claws, and the sky was soft with the colours of dusk, but my heart was heavier than the sun getting dragged down by the stars.
Or perhaps by the wind.
-Hello, Little One.-
I whipped my head around, and saw Sgaeyl with a couple of rabbits hanging by her mouth, -Come eat with me in the forest. I hate the taste of sand, it always gets stuck between my teeth.-
-I'm not hungry.-
-So you did manage to find a poor animal which hadn't yet been burnt to a crisp by your sister's anger. Well done.-
-I haven't hunted yet. Like I said, I'm not hungry.-
-You must be. We flew for hours, and last time we ate was yesterday, and it was a meagre hunt.-
I let out a sharp growl and looked away.
She sighed, and placed her dinner on her claw and sat down next to me. Her golden eyes scanned every flick of tail and flexes of claws, until she said, -Something's bothering you. Is it because of those grass-eating parrots dragons? As if any of them remembers how to hunt!-
-No. Well, yes, but... Mostly no. They ignored me all the time.-
Apart from one.
-Thankfully so,- scoffed Sgaeyl, -Tairn said the more they rambled on, the more his fire froze in his chest.-
Faint amusement glimmered in my belly.
-They didn't like us,- I said.
-The feeling is mutual.-
Silence fell, and with her daggered tail she sliced flawlessly the rabbits and flung them up in the air and caught them one by one; everytime I'd tried, I either got smacked in my face, or got choked.
She licked her upper lip, and then said -Shadow-wielder believes our failure with Andarna's kind falls on his shoulders.-
I remembered his red-brimmed irises, the bafflement of the Irids. Sgaeyl's voice turned into a growl, -They called him an abomination.-
-So they did to me.-
She whipped her head around, and fire blazed in the back of her throat, -The audacity of some overgrown lizards! What fireless lies did they spit out now?-
I lowered my head and scratched the sand. The ocean quickly filled up the gap. It wouldn't happen as smoothly the day in which Aifos would die; perhaps it wouldn't happen at all, because I'd follow them, and Ronny too.
-They called me a halfblood. It seems half of me is of Alagaesyan breed.-
-Like your mate?-
-Yeah...-
She lowered her eyes, -You and your sister both have always known that you are not from Tairn's and I's clutch, since we haven't had one yet. Your blood has never been ours.-
I bared my teeth, -And yet, we can fly because of you.-
-Andarna struggles still.-
-She'll learn.-
She shifted, and waves rippled, and Chradr flew overhead.
-This is not why your stomach's clogged,- said Sgaeyl, -You speak about this matter with too much fire. Fire gives way to hunger, most of the times. Just because some say I have an abomination as a rider it doesn't mean I am so nutted I can't give advice to my ward. Especially when he's so sullen-looking.-
I hesitated, then glanced at her narrowed eyes on me and sighed, -It's about Aifos.-
-Don't tell me they turned, too.-
-No. I wish they did.-
She didn't say anything.
-They're going to die.-
-It's a war, Little One. We may all die.-
-No. It's not...- Another huff of breath, -It's a long story. You won't understand.-
-Try me.-
The weight of my heart was slowing down my mind. I wondered if Aifos was feeling it too, in their faint dreams.
-There's this Alagaesyan tradition... About the Name of Names. Ronny said every being has a Name, and that it's their core. The deepest truth of who they are.-
-That's Alagaesyan shit, more like,- scoffed Sgaeyl, but I spun around and snapped my teeth inches away from her throat. She jerked and swished her tail, and the light fell on her dagger.
-I told you you wouldn't understand! They're going to die! The Gods told them so!-
-Ah, fuck them Gods. We are dragons.-
She didn't understand. I knew she wouldn't. Why couldn't she?
-But... But Ronny said we can shape the world! But he was wrong! So fucking wrong! Because for which purpose are we dragons, if we can't shape the world? If we can't save anyone?-
-We are dragons. We shouldn't be asking questions.-
I let out a snarl and twisted my head around, my wings unfurling, but just when I was about to take off she whispered something, and because I halted suddenly, the momentum propelled me forward and I splashed water everywhere trying not to trip on my claws and tail.
-And yet, I've been wondering the same.-
I turned around, and Sgaeyl's head was low, and her eyes were somber.
-In the days between Blaide's death and... And Shadow-wielder's choice, I was high up on the pedestal and wondered how a dragon could ever lose its dignity over a human. Over an enemy. But now... Now I know.-
The rawness of her words dried me of every annoyance towards her, and instead felt a sympathy so sharp I knew it was understanding.
I walked up to her and entwined my tail around hers; the droplets of water were of a brighter shade than her scales, more similar to Saphira's.
Her voice was meek, and she refused to meet my eyes, -I wish Shadow-wielder would've had the Alagaesyan's fate instead. His would've been the noblest death, and I could've mourned him properly.-
-There's no cure for death. Violet is set on finding one for Xaden.-
-We were just told there's none.-
-Well... Fuck those parrot dragons, eh? They forgot how to hunt.-
Her chuff was slow, but she tightened the hold around our tails and her wing brushed mine.
She met my eyes, -And fuck the Alagaesyan shit too.-

The flight back was silent, and heavy. Aifos buttoned up their coat, and tied back their hair, and the saddle creaked on my back.
-I should oil it up some day,- they grumbled, and in front of us Ronny spread his wings to catch a stronger wind current. Andarna flew between Molvic and Cath, and she didn't reach out to me once.
I was fairly sure she was giving the silent treatment to Sgaeyl and Tairn, too.
-Do you think she's angry at them? My sister?- I asked Aifos, who frowned slightly, -Why should she be?-
-I don't know. Perhaps because she... We aren't their actual hatchlings.-
-Blood on its own doesn't make up for a family.-
-But you are Xaden's sibling.-
-Half sibling.-
-It's the same thing.-
-No, it's not.-
-Are you Belgabad's son?-
I slowed down because I couldn't find an answer off the top of my head, even though it was supposed to be an answer as easy as flying, and Molvic grumbled behind me.
-Sgaeyl taught me how to fly, and Tairn how to hunt. Belgabad did neither.- I adjusted the angle of my wings, and followed Tairn's lead to draw a slightly descending arc, -Does Xaden know?-
They stiffened above me, -No. He does not.-
I searched Sgaeyl, whose wingtip brushed Tairn's.
-He's part of your family. He needs to know.-
Their fingers flexed, -He sees me as his heir, and he's struggling enough already as he is. I can't be another one of his burdens.-
-Maybe not. But you're one of the few left.-
I quickened up my wings and caught up to Ronny, and Teine glared at me for taking up his spot in formation.
-Stay in your lane, Swordtail,- he snapped, but I ignored him and turned my head to Ronny, -Are the Name of Names unchangeable?-
His glance was angular and cutting, -No, but the possibility of change is flimsy and rare.-
-Did you change your Name of Names?-
-It changed on its own.- The edge of his voice softened, -The only way to change it is to tilt yourself upside down.-
-How did you do it?-
-It happened. I was boundless, and yet still alive, and Aifos came to me.-
Faint guilt rippled in my chest, -So... Their Name of Names is such because of me?-
They'd whispered it to us in the quiet heartbeats between Ronny's lovemaking and my failed attempt at one, and I found it as beautiful as them, and I'd always remember it.
Sing it at night as Aifos often would with their Elvish lullabies, but my voice would never be as melodic as theirs.
-No,- said Ronny, -The stars led you to us, and they do not gamble with  the fleetingness of choice.-
I fell quiet for a while, and Tairn led us high up again, and Aifos stretched their arms and rolled their shoulders.
Would I remember the soft whimper slipping out of their lips every time they arched their back in a stretch? Would I remember the exact way with which their curls brushed their neck and shoulders?
Or would it all become mist?
-But... Why?- I found myself asking, -Why do they have such a Fate? Were they born with it? We're dragons, Ronny! We shape the world. Why can't we shape our bonded's life?-
He fell silent, and no answer came, and Aifos started humming a soft Elvish song which had my eyes searching out the horizon... And a sky I'd flown twice.