A War on Two Fronts (Peterick)

Chapter 18

-Pete-

Its been a week since what happened to Joe and last night was the first time I was able to sleep without having Patrick calm me down from nightmares about it.

I hate it here. Its taking everything I have to keep going day to day, but through this dark hell, there is one bright light and that's Patrick. No matter how miserable I am, he always manages to make me feel better. When I was soaked and wet, he made me feel dry. When I was in pain, he made me feel healed. When I couldn't go on anymore, he gave me a reason to march forward.

I have completely fallen for him even when I tried my hardest not to, and every day I'm convinced he's fallen for me. If only the opportunity to tell him would present itself, I'm almost certain he would return the feelings.

"Pete, what are you thinking about?" Patrick asked, snapping me out of my trance.

"Nothing. Its just a nice day today." I lied.

"Okay... I know your thinking face when I see it and I know you're lying, but whatever you say." He looked up into the sky. "It is a nice day though." He admitted.

We were marching too ANOTHER camp to reinforce the troops there, even though we only got to the last camp a few days ago. Honestly, this war is more walking than fighting, and I feel filthy. I've been wearing the same uniform since day one and I'm starting to get some type of... foot fungus... Athlete's Foot maybe, but its still fucking disgusting.

We came up on a small village made up of what looked to be simple rice farmers. We were ordered to kill any Vietcong Communist military we found. The problem was, the Communist Vietcong and Democratic Southern Vietnamese were all the same the same people ethnically, so there was no telling who was who, and killing people out of suspicions was apparently frowned upon.

"Search the houses. Make sure they aren't harboring the enemy." Sargent ordered.

We looked in every hut as the men, women, and children looked at us in fear. Didn't they know we are here to help? The search came up empty and we had to move on, leaving the malnourished villagers behind. I feel bad complaining about my "shitty" life back home when I see these people. Maybe I'm luckier than I thought I was. Instead of an emotionally unstable fuck up son, I could be a Vietnamese rice farmer. I bet their parents love them though. Still. I'm lucky to be healthy and live in a first world country.

We walked until the sun started to set and pitched our tents for the night and sat by the fire eating dinner. When most of the guys went to sleep or to their tent, Patrick and I remain by the fire and we were eventually alone. I stared at Patrick for the longest time.

"Pete, what are you looking at?" He sais smiling.

"You. You're perfect." I said. I watched him blush and even under the light of the fire, you could still see the deep shade of red he became.

"Thanks... So are you." He said softly.

Should I tell him? I asked myself.
Joe would want you to.
Then I remembered Joe telling me "You should tell him how you feel."
I'm gonna do it!

I got this. I breathed in and out.

"Are you okay Pete?"

"Yeah I'm fine." I said. Should I just go for it? What if he has a girlfriend. I'll just casually ask him.

"So uh... Patrick.." he looked over to me. "Do you have anyone back home? Like... romantically?" I asked nervously.

"I uh... I have a g-girlfriend." He said quietly. The words burned in my ears.

"Oh. What was she like?" I asked not really wanting to know.

"Her name is Elisa. She's smart... and funny... and pretty... the cliche kind of stuff I guess... But I don't think I love her like I use to." He said looking into the fire.

"Why?" I asked.

"There's somebody else..." He said, almost a whisper.

"Who?" I pressed.

"Somebody I can never be with... Anyways... what about you Pete? Anyone special back home?" He asked trying to change the subject.

"No. Love never wanted me..." I said... "And I've told you before, I did anything I could not to feel it, but I'm not that kind of person anymore. Somebody changed me."

"Did you have a religious realization and meet Jesus while you were here?" He asked giggling.

"No... I met you..."

"Pete I-"

"Patrick, I think, no. I know I'm in love with you." I blurted out before he could finish his sentence.

His expression went from lost, to slight relief, to anger.

"Pete! You can't! Its wrong and you know it! I can't love you because I have Elisa and she's all I need!" He was almost yelling at me and every word stung like a bullet to the heart.

"Patrick! You just said you don't love her like you use to and I know its because that somebody else is me! Stop lying to yourself!" I retaliated with warm tears flowing down my cheeks.

"The only person lying to themselves is you. You only think you love me because I'm the only one here, and now you've even lost that." He got up and went to the tent.

I sat and stared into the fire crying.

"Patrick... You're lying..." I cried myself to sleep that night, and this time Patrick wasn't there to hold me and make it better.

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What the fuck Patrick?!
-Matthew