Here's To Wishing I'd Never Met You!

Love Her To Death

Chapter Nine... Love Her To Death

My facebook status: "With every little kick I feel, I know I don't need anyone else to make me happy, because my baby is all the happiness I need."

I guess you could say that was me announcing my pregnancy over facebook, and the amount of comments from people that I'd gone to high school with etc was overwhelming. Asking if I was in a relationship, asking how far along, asking boy or girl, for pictures, you name it.

"You can announce it on facebook, but you can't tell your parents?!" Sam shouted from the living room. Great... he'd read my status.

"I've waited too long now!" I shouted back. "The baby will be here before they'd find out!"

"Paige!" Sam snapped, now standing at my bedroom door. "Kent and I cannot keep this from your parents or your sister if they ring. You can't keep it a secret anymore, you're twenty four weeks along! Jeez!"

"Two words, Sam," I said bitterly. "My. Decision. Stop trying to force me into telling them!"

"You're six months pregnant, Paige!" he groaned. "It's not like your six weeks' along! You should have told them a long time ago!"

"Do you and Kent go to bed of a night and talk about how you're gonna try and persuade me to tell my family that I'm pregnant?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"Not quite, but we talk about how you're gonna regret not telling them," he sighed.

"Well, that's my burden to bear, not yours," I said.

"Yes, but you're ignoring it," he told me.

"No, I'm not ignoring it, Sam," I admitted. "It's always on my mind. Always. But I can't tell them now. I've waited too long. They're gonna be pissed."

"Then tell them over the phone," he suggested.

"No, that's worse," I frowned. "But like I said... it's my burden to bear."

"Well, honey, don't complain to us when you have an argument with them because you didn't tell them soon enough," Sam sighed. "Because it's your burden to bear, and we're trying to help you."

Admittedly I regretted never telling my parents about the baby, or even Ramone. Penelope knew about Ramone, but still. She didn't know about my daughter.

Lucy Elizabeth.

I wondered how many people actually named their children before birth. And actually called them by their name. But I had gone from calling the baby "my baby" to calling her Lucy when I talked about her. I loved her so much, I couldn't wait to meet her.

At school, she was on my mind. At home she was too. Guess it was pretty hard not to think about her, since she was growing inside of me.

I finished the assignment for college that I was working on and wandered into the kitchen, looking for food. I found some cold hawaiian pizza in the fridge, and pulled it out. There were five slices left, and I ate them all cold. I had developed an annoying craving for hawaiian pizza...

After the pizza, I took a walk. I found myself sitting alone in central park, when I heard a familiar voice come up behind me.

"Well, I'm glad to se that you're looking well after the way that asshole treated you."

I turned to see Sally standing behind me, smiling.

"Sal!" I smiled in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"Just waiting for Fred to finish work," she sighed. "He's had to take a second job, to make ends meet. We hardly see each other anymore, it's almost cruel."

"So I take it you haven't heard from Ramone at all?" I asked.

"Well, he rang about a month ago," she hesitantly breathed. "Fred abused the shit out of him, not that the bastard didn't deserve it! He didn't say where he was, just apologised. He asked how you were, told him you were good. Fred told him you were screwing someone else. I could have killed him for that!"

"Oh," I gasped. "I uh... did he ask about the baby?"

"He did, actually," Sally smiled weakly. "Surprised me. Thought he'd avoid mentioning it at all. Fred said he asked if you kept it, and told him that you did. Then he asked if you were well, and how far along you were. Think he kind of cares... maybe."

"Or he's guilty," I shrugged. "I'm not worried anymore. I have Lucy. She's all I need."

"So it's a girl!" Sally grinned. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks, Sal," I smiled. "I love her. Even if I don't like her father, I love her to death. She's amazing in my eyes."

"Parents always love their children more than any man," she said thoughtfully. "If we're ever rich, we'll try for our own. No promises, though."

"It's worth it, I believe," I told her. "I can't wait for her to be born, as scared as I am."

"You're gonna be a great mother, Paigey," she grinned. "That baby is gonna be the luckiest girl in the world."

"I hope so," I chuckled.

"I love the name Lucy, by the way," she added. "It's cute."

"I know, that's why I chose it," I grinned.

Sally and I talked babies for about twenty minutes before Fred came. He gave me a hug, cursed Ramone and they left. I sat there for a while, just feeling Lucy kick. After a while I decided to return home, smiling along the way.

I didn't see that I needed to be in a relationship to be happy or to raise a child. But I feared my parents would think otherwise. Still, I'd eventually have to tell them and I knew it. I was avoiding the inevitable...

Back at home I returned to my room and started my next assignment. It was an essay that I completed in four hours with many bathroom breaks, meal breaks and a conversation with Kent that wasn't about me keeping my pregnancy a secret from my family. He was telling me about his classes at school, and how he couldn't wait to be finished college next year.

I couldn't wait, either.

But for the time being, I had something more to look forward to. I was going to be someone's mother, and it was both exciting and scary at the same time. But I couldn't wait. I did love a challenge, and motherhood would certainly be one.

When Lucy arrives in the world, I'll be ready. Well, I don't believe anyone is ever ready to be a parent, because you never know what to expect. And every baby is different...

But Lucy was my baby. My baby...

The love I felt for my child was indescribable.