She screamed out, "I don't know!!" As she fell down to the floor.
Her anger and her sadness, bubbling over the top until she burst into tears. She wanted to smash herself against a wall and become as flat as a painting yet she wanted to be okay again as if nothing ever happened. She wanted everyone she ever knew to just disappear. She wanted for no one to know anything of her. Well the truth of it is, she didn't know if they knew the truth of her or not. And erasing most of something is more difficult than wiping the slate clean. So she wanted to get rid of them all and start a new life and find new people that didn't know her and hopefully she could be the person she wanted to be. Or at least be honest about who she was.
But she still lay there on the floor. Crying her eyes out and dreaming of a different version of her. A different story than her own. And when she finally came out of it and back to reality, she realized you can't just dream up a new world. A new you. But she couldn't accept it. She pushed at the thought. Clawed it. Kicked it away into a dark hole in her mind. Refusing it. She kept dreaming of a new her, kept denying herself the truth. And whenever she came back, she cried more. Each time longer than the last. Each time leaving her more broken and each time she dreamt harder and ignored more of her reality. And as she came out of her daydream again, she cried into the floor as she had so many nights into her pillow, "I don't know..." And continued to cry.
YOU ARE READING
~My Thoughts~
NonfiksiThis is just somewhere I write things. I start thinking and then I start writing. It might be sad, it might be happy, or it it could be infuriating. A little birdy told me to open up a bit. So I will. To you.
