Letters to Zayn

Chapter 3

So this is the day. Finally I'll have the chance to talk to Zayn again! It's been so long since the last time I heard his voice. That's understandable as he is so busy touring with the band all around the world. If he's not busy then there is the time difference.

It's crazy how much one's life can change after going to one tv show, just giving a shot at making a dream come true. I am so happy that his dream did come true. It's just difficult when one of us is 'enjoying the roller coaster that is life', as Zayn would say, and the other one is stuck in a city accross the country. I don't mind living in Glasgow, not at all. It is a wonderful city, I even get to see Zayn sometimes when he comes here with the tour.

It's just hard that my best friend is a world wide success while my dreams are stuck in my own heart, nowhere near to coming true. Working in a cafe as a waitress, you can only imagine how draining it can be. Alright, so I got an hour left till our conversation, I might as well write another letter before that.

Dear Zayn,

Can't wait to actually hear your voice. It's been too long since the last time we spoke. I always wonder if you miss me as much as I miss you. I know that when we were in 7th grade you liked me or something like that, but I also know that you've moved on after that. If I had the courage I would ask you so many questions. Like these: do you think of me before falling asleep? Is my face ever the first thing you think of when you wake up? Do I ever show up in your dreams? Do you miss the way only you could make me smile?

I'm such a coward. You know what? Sometimes I just can't help but hate myself. How could anyone ever love a person, who is too scared to ask a question, to start a conversation or even to dance?! Well,yeah, I know you're not the dancing type of person as well, but you know how to have fun. I just can't help but feel pathetic. And now that you're not here to tell me that I am not, it's all just getting worse. Living alone and having almost no friends in a huge city doesn't help at all. And here I am, complaining to a sheet of paper no one will ever read, how clever of me. I just got myself confused. The purpose of these letters was to tell you how I felt about you,Zayn, wasn't it? You know, the Bible says that you have to love your neighbours as you love yourself. Well, what if I don't love myself? What do I do then, Zayn? How do I bring joy in my life and be the one who brings joy to others? Oh, you just signed on, gotta end this letter and have the real conversation.

Bye my love,

Rebecca

Should I call him or will he be the first to do so? Decisions, decisions. For my own luck it didn't take much longer until he just started the call waiting for me to pick up. Again a flow of questions in my head, what do I say once I answer? Does he even want to talk to me or does he feel that he has to do so? Instead of trying to figure out all the answers, I just pick up.

"Hey buddy!"- that was the first thing I thought of saying.

"What's up,woman!"- yup, that's how he goes. He just makes me smile with the first words he says, because he says it in a different way. Honestly, there aren't many people who start a conversation calling their friend a woman. Not that it's a bad thing or anything.

" So, how is the tour going? Having fun?" - I asked.

"The tour is so awesome!"- he replied smiling from ear to ear. "The boys and I are having so much fun, doing random stuff on stage. I wish you could see it all! All the water spilled on each other and the fans, sometimes I feel like we are all 12 years old, but I don't really care, cause it's so much fun!"- Zayn kept on telling me the stories from the tour with so much joy in his voice and face. It trully made me happy to see him smile so much. Especially knowing how hard it is on him to deal with all the hate he gets on twitter and stuff.

"I'm so glad you found the time to call me"- I say smiling, really appreciating the time he finds for me being so busy.

"Are you kidding me? I'd always find time for you, you are my best friend, Rebecca! Besides we had a day off. All the boys went to walk around the city and I thought it'd be a great opportunity to spend some time talking to you."

Sometimes it just blows my mind how opened and honest he is. I trully doubt he's ever lied to me, no matter how silly and false that sounds. I believe it. " But you could've rested! How many days in a row have you had concerts twice a day without any rest?"- instead of thanking I start complaining, that's so me.

" Um, it might have been a week but I honestly don't care. I'd much rather spend this time cathing up with you. So how are you doing? What's been going on in your life since the last time we spoke?"- Zayn asked with interest shining in his beautiful eyes.

" Not much, really. Still working in the subway which is really exhausting. it's really boring, can't tell you much about it"- I don't want to bother him with my stories and don't really want to risk saying too much, for example, spilling all the beans about the letters I am writing.

" Oh come on! I'm sure something more is happening which you're just not telling me about! I can see it in your eyes, there's something you're hiding." - Zayn's words make me freeze for a second but then I just giggle and make him think that I find it funny, so he doesn't actually suspect anything weird.

" Haha, maybe there's something wrong with your screen or something, Zayn? Cause I am sure I am not channeling any secrets through my eyes." - I say trying to make it sound as funny as it all did in my head.

" Oh, I'm so sorry, I just got a text from Paul saying we have to get to the studio today. So much of a day off.. Anyway, it was really fun talking to you! Hope we'll have more time to talk next time, so I can find out what you're hiding" - he laughs the evil laugh, smiles and hangs up.

I'm in trouble.