Letters to Zayn

Chapter 17

To say that it was ugly is an understatement. It was full of nasty words, death threats, wishes for me to jump off a cliff or just hang myself. It did not bother me too much because I always thought that cyberbullying is overrated. It's just a bunch of people who bully you annonimously. How great can their life actually be if this is how they spend their time? That's how I saw it. I guess the world is lucky that the next victim of twitter is a person of the attitude like me. Not gonna cry over it or suicide, that would be dumb.

In fact, I'm not even going to tell Zayn about it. He's not much of a twitter person so he most likely doesn't even see what's going on right now. And he doesn't need to. All of the 1D fans are already complaining about him not interacting with them through twitter now, it would only make matters worse if he found out about this. What I definitely don't need is more hate towards me because of something I didn't even do.

Alright, I can pretend as much as I want that it doesn't bother me the tiniest bit, but once I see that there are even my photos in the trending subject, that does worry me. There are always some crazy stalkers out there, they know the city I am from, they know how I look and it could turn out to be worse than I want it to be.

Sometimes I feel like I should just forget all this nonsense and get back to my life, get back to working in a subway, going to auditions to get parts in movies and TV shows which hasn't worked too well so far, but at least my life wasn't in danger. At least some doctors weren't kidnapping me from my own home. Do I really blame Zayn for all of this? He surely made my life so much more special, but it doesn't mean that he is responsible for every unusual thing that has happened to me, does it? My head seems to be ready to explode once again, which can only mean one thing on its way.

Dear Zayn,

I feel so lost right now. I can't get you out of my head and it's only been a few days since the last time I saw you, just a day since I spoke to you. I keep thinking that if I let you go and never meet anyone else (as you are the love of my life) I will only be able to blame mysel. But the thing is, I'm not sure I am strong enough to fight for you. It's like I'd have to fight the whole world. And to fight against Perrie? She's  gorgeous, talented, successful. Who am I against her?

Well, you'd probably say that I am your best friend. I don't think I can handle listening to your stories of your relationship with other girls. I do realise that I am the one who said no to you in the first place, but now that we both told each other about our feelings, why does it seem that nothing has changed?

Perhaps it's because you still haven't called me to tell how everything with Perrie went, if you are gonna end the publicity stunt or not. If I didn't know you I'd think that it's not even about publicity, but that you have feelings for her. Honesty is your brightest feature so I end up trusting you and whatever you say each and every time. Right now it seems that it will come to burn me in the end.

Love you loads,

Rebecca

I wander back to my room from the living room. As soon as I remember that I left the phone back there, it starts ringing. Hopefully it's Zayn, ready to enlighten me with everything I need and want to know. When I grab the phone the screen shows Unknown and for some reason I get a very bad feeling.