Today I finally accepted the death of the love we had.
I buried the memories six feet down that I have held for quite awhile because letting go was too painful than holding on.
I grieved for too long that it almost felt like I was a prisoner of what once was.
A cellar with nothing but photographs of us on every wall with only one way out, a door fully open— I was just too afraid to step out and be free because I don't want to know what was out there.
I spent more time thinking about what would our future looked like if we ended up together when you were already gone than when you were still here.
The ironic part was the difference of the loneliness I felt now than when you were still here next to me, at least now I know I am all by myself than having someone next to me and feel so distant.. skin to skin, but in reality it felt like you were a thousand miles away.
We ended before we even parted ways.
Real conversations stopped even when there was still text messages and phone calls everyday.
I was already grieving us even when you were still here.
Because in our final moments,
we became the people we despised the most.
We betrayed each other in different ways.
You chose to break your promise while I chose to be blind.
The arms that once felt like a safety sanctuary turned into a battlefield I wasn't ready to combat.
so I decided to finally let the memories of you, go.
I have to learn how to swim in the river of our memories so I wouldn't drown in sorrow.
But time may have not healed me fully just yet but it gave me new wisdom and found forgiveness in my heart, for you and for me too..
and I hope wherever you are, and if by chance you will be able to read this— that you find happiness and peace that you deserve.
And to the love we once had, I am grateful you happened. Thank you for the great memories, and the lessons learned.
