Ask Jake (Book One of the Whisper Series)

Twenty-Eight: Regret

When I get back to the house, I see the blanket I left on the beach folded in the garage. Kellan must have come here before finding me, like I thought he would.

"Hi Mom. I'm back," I say, shouting into the TV room.

She walks into the kitchen with a worried look, making my heart wrench.

"I'm sorry mom. I worried you?" I asked and I feel like I am going to cry for the first time today.

"Only for your heart, Gillian," she says, but it does not stop a tear from escaping and running down my cheek.

I turn, trying to avoid more tears. "I just broke it off with Kellan because I don't need all his...drama. Last night his groupie girlfriend threw a beer in my face and today he stood me up." I say, pulling some humus and carrots out of the fridge.

"I'm already exhausted from all I am dealing with and I don't have the energy for him. Plus, we have very different lives. We're not on the same track. But he found me, and I talked to him. I didn't really let him down that easy, but we worked it out. I think."

"I understand, dear," she says, and then she walks over to the table. "He came here, looking for you. He left you this letter and this...box."

I dip a small carrot into the humus, and wonder if I just made the dumbest mistake of my life.

Mom places the items in front of me and give me a kiss on the check. "I'm retiring for the night. Sleep well."

"You too, Mom."

I wash the dishes in the sink and turn to head back to my room. I pass the letter and the box, leaving them stranded.

*****

It's been a week since I saw Kellan and I have not been sleeping well since he left. Its four in the morning now and I can't stop thinking, Why was I so cruel to him?

It took all of this time for me to find the courage to open his letter and box.

Dear Gillian,

I hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive me for everything that has happened between us in the last few days. First, Stacy, the beer throwing girl, is not and has not been my girlfriend. Yes, we had a few moments, but she has been working for more and I have told her over an over that I was not interested, and that there was someone special I was waiting for. She does not like me, she likes the band. She see's me as prize, not a person.

Secondly, I could not sleep after seeing you, and ended up staying up too late. I was not drinking or partying, I was writing and recording. Seeing you inspired me and it's the first time I've been able to write anything since I left NY.

I will forever regret missing you today. You have no idea how badly I wanted to create some new memories with you. Please give me another chance. I bought this burner phone and I have one too. He can't know about these, they are safe. Please call me so we can talk.

All my love,

Kellan

954-555-0002

Oh gosh. That was a nice letter.

Ouch.

Tears roll down my face.

The flash drive is the last thing in the box, the two rough recordings. Dare I listen to them now? My laptop is next to me. Plugging in the flash drive, I see he's labeled the folder, For My Gillian, making matters worse.

Lying on my bed, I think about Kellan. My time in the hospital is a strange memory, but what I remember is Kellan asking me the right questions to get me to talk about what happened with Phil. Adam was always there, but his face would looked pained when I talked about it. So often, when I would start to cry Adam would run to me, but Kellan would make me open up, with his gentle voice and calming face. He was there for me when I needed him, even though he was late for his tour.