Ask Jake (Book One of the Whisper Series)

Twelve: Smash

Saturday morning, I work editing some of the photos from the day before. I can't believe I shot over three hundred and fifty images. I email a couple to my mom and Roxy.

It upset Roxy to not know about my interest in photography. There is so much I have kept hidden from her. Well, its not that I am hiding things from her, there are just things I don't want to talk about. She's part of my life now, not my past.

Taking a closer look at the one Adam likes, I decide I want him to have it. Finding an online printer, I opt to have it printed and framed and sent to his apartment. I realize this decision is kind of...bipolar. I mean, I'm trying to get space, but am sending him expensive gifts. However, this is kind of a selfish decision. I like the idea of him having a photo I took, which is like a part of me, hanging in his apartment.

So, when he's making out with Greg on the softest, most comfortable couch in America, a part of me will be there? Good idea Gillian, I sarcastically scoff at myself and slam shut my laptop.

I search for something to wear to dinner and whatever I should call the thing with Kellan. Is it a date if I agreed to see him if it wasn't too late, and I wasn't too tired? I don't know. What I do know is that I need something better to wear to Smash, and I could use a haircut.

On my way out the door, I wonder how I ended up doing two things with two different men tonight. My comfort zone is getting challenged. Not so much with Adam, but this thing with Kellan is different. He wants to see me on an intimate level. Am I ready for that?

While I'm shopping, I make a plan for the evening. First, go to dinner with Adam and enjoy the food and company, but I will not allow myself to have feelings for Adam. When I see Adam and Greg together I will control my emotions, out of respect for the both of them. Second, if I am up to it, I will see Kellan and let him know that I am not interested in dating him. I have no idea how I will word that, but I'll figure it out.

Trying on everything in four stores, I settle on a black cocktail dress that is simple and buttons down the front.  At the same time, the fabric clingues to my body just right and it makes me feel good. I bought some slick knee-high boots that look great; they'll be okay to wear in the ice and keep me warm.

My hairdresser slips me in, between appointments, and he makes my hair look amazing. I wish I could make it look as good as he always does, but I never really spend much time on it.

In the cab ride home my phone buzzes:

ADAM: *Address, please.*

ME: *Just meet me at the diner on 47th and 6th.*

ADAM: *Why? I want to see your apartment.*

Again, he makes me feel like he wants to know everything about me. It makes me feel so good, but it brings back all those frustrating feelings.

ME: *I'll meet you at Smash, 8. I'll take a cab.*

ADAM: *Fine*

Darwin demands to be fed as soon as I am dressed. He pushes against my leg and meows a broken meow, making my heart go out to him. It must stink to be a house cat. Well, maybe just my house cat. The only thing he has to look forward to is eating.

Once he is fed, I go back to the finishing touches on my make-up, putting on a little more than usual. a little more than I've worn in years.

In the middle of changing out my bag from a brown one to a black one, someone knocks on my door. My eyes go wide while I stare at the door. No one comes to my door except Roxy and I know she went to the Cape with Mark for the weekend. Unmoving, I freeze and wait.