Ask Jake (Book One of the Whisper Series)

Fourteen: Going Backward

Waking in a sweat with panicked feelings stealing my breath, is not the ideal way to start my day, but that's exactly what happened this morning. This is all Tristan has left me, memories of how he touched me and feelings of abandonment. I don't remember the dream, exactly, but he was leaving me, again.

I wake completely, and sit up in bed. Darwin is lying on my lap and starts to purr when he feels me stir. I decided to take a chance and give him some love. As I put my hand on his head, he starts to rub really hard on my hand. Poor guy, I think. He never gets petted anymore. As I start to feel my eyes get scratchy, I jump up and wash my hands and face.

On my way back to my bedroom, I notice some text messages on my phone.

Adam: *Hey. Want to hang out today?*

Ugh. Yes, I really want to spend today with Adam, in fact there is nothing I want more; however, I don't want to end up all worked up sexually, again, and find myself in Kellan's arms. I need to get my head on straight!

ME: *Not today, I have stuff to I need to do.*

ADAM: *Stuff, what stuff? I can do stuff.*

ME: *Laundry and shopping, boring. I'll see you tomorrow.*

ADAM: *Wash and fold is on every corner, do that instead! Come over.*

He's persistent. Every cell in my body wants to agree and spend time with him, but I push it down and resist him.

ME: *I'll see you tomorrow, Adam.*

ADAM: *I guess.*

I see another message and open it.

UNKNOWN: *I had a great time with you last night. Can I see you today? Lunch?*

Kellan.

Saving his number in my phone, I consider the best way to respond. I used him last night. The plan was going to go to Guinevere's and tell him that we shouldn't be seeing each other. Instead, we ended up... doing some pretty memorable things. My stomach flips at the thought of it. Damn, that was intense. However, was it Kellan that made me so hot, or just him who squelched the fire started by Adam? How upset would Kellan be if he knew how I used him. I feel like such a guy.

I think I should stay away from him today, too.

ME: *Not today. I'm busy.*

KELLAN: *No you're not. You told me on Friday that Sunday was free. Meet me at Jeffery's Bistro at 2:30.*

Wow, he's calling me out.

ME: *Maybe.*

KELLAN: *Yes! Until then.*

Noting his tenacity, I realize he just won me over for the afternoon. He deserves it for the way I used him last night and for not listening to any of my lame excuses.

By 12:30, I find myself bored with nothing to do for the next few hours. My camera seems to be calling me, so I grab it and start flipping through the pictures, again. I get to the first photo I shot the other day and realize it's on number twenty five, and not number one, so I push the button and see what else is on the card.

I freeze, staring at the little monitor.

Tristan. There he is, staring at me. I can't stop looking at him. I remember that day. It was the last time I ever saw him. Tears line my face. It's not sadness that I am feeling but rejection and anger.

Oh, his face. That face that fills my dreams and haunts my soul. He looks just like he does in all of my memories. It makes me wonder what he looks like now. I get mad at myself when I realize that this is what he looks like now. He's dead.