Ask Jake (Book One of the Whisper Series)

Three: The Pit

Angela does not bother looking at me before she starts to speak, "Look, I'm stressed as shit today and I don't have time for small talk and bullshit. Give me what you've got, right now." She looks up from her desk and out the top of her reading glasses. She's only given me two seconds to take in the words she threw at me and she's already annoyed that I have not answered.

"I have an idea for an advice column," I say quickly. "I know it's not a new idea, but no one is really doing them anymore and I think we'll get more readers if they think their letter could be printed. Plus, it's sort of like reality TV, only magazine style. Everyone loves to read about the struggles of others." I stop to see how she's accepting my information.

"Go on. What would you call it?" she says faster than anyone has spoken, ever.

"I want to call it, Ask Laurali," I say, proudly.

Angela rolls her hands in the air, asking for more, "Why, tell me why."

"Because Laurali just sounds like the type of person you could get real, sound advice from. She's nice and wise for her years, a little southern, with a sense of charm." I try to sound thoughtful with my description even though I had not considered the question.

"I hate it!" she screams.

Oh my gosh! Did I just get fired? The blood drains from my face making my feet feel heavy.

Angela looks up at me and rolls her eyes. "Oh hell, relax! I like the idea, but hate the name. Jake! Call it Ask Jake and write it from a man's perspective, an asshole man. Take out all the wisdom crap and tell it like it is, in the real world. Tell women what men want exactly like they want it. When you get back to your desk I want you to send out an email to the company telling everyone to ask for some sort of advice. Pick one or two and answer it as nitty-gritty as some asshole named Jake would answer. I want it on my desk by Friday. I'm going to slip it in next months issue, which was due a week ago. Make it good Jill." I hate it when she calls me Jill. That's not my name. However, I don't dare correct her or even have time to consider correcting her while she's barking a list of orders at me.

"Now get out. And send in that asshole Phil," she directs from her throne.

I walk out of her office, a little dazed and whisper to Monica, "She wants you to send in that asshole, Phil." She nods and looks at me with a questioning expression. "Did it go okay?"

"It never goes...well...but I still have a job." We both laugh, knowingly. "Roxy and I are going to Guinevere's tonight, if you want to come," I suggest.

"Oh, I can't, I have to get my kids." Before I realize what I've done, Monica eyes widen and she looks past me and says, "Mr. Bordon, you may enter."

My eyes close when I feel Phil's presence behind me. How could I forget he is in hearing distance? As soon as he walks passed me I glance out the corner of my eye, catching the chagrin on his face. When he's safely behind closed doors, I ask the dreaded question, "Did he hear me?"

"He sure did," she says with more humor than concern. "Maybe you should change your plans," she chuckles.

Moaning, I exit the office a lot more beat up than when I entered.

*****

Roxy is waiting with a chocolate cupcake and eager ears to hear all about my morning. Slowly, I tear into the scrumptious desert, and divulge the details. I'm not sure how my idea went from writing an advice column from a woman's perspective, to an egotistical man's perspective, but just like every article I've ever written at Whisper, nothing turns out the way I originally intended. However, the more I talk it over with Roxy, the more I really like the challenge. It's going to be near impossible to pull the first column off by Friday, since it's already Tuesday. I have my work cut out for me.