Ask Jake (Book One of the Whisper Series)

Thirty-Two: Reading

I attempt to open Gillian's journal at least ten times in the cab ride home, but reading it makes me nervous as hell. It's her journal, not just something she wrote. I fear getting to know her deeper and ending up an unrequited love situation.

After two beers, and a third one cold in my hand, I feel relaxed enough to take whatever her journal has for me.

Adam, when I think about how you saved my life, I cannot find a better person in the world whom should have my life. You are the perfect man. You're thoughtful, kind, strong and sincere. It breaks my heart that I cannot have you... You belong to Greg, and you both deserve each other...

She thought I was dating Greg? Greg, that jackass, all those hugs and fucking kisses, of course she thought I was dating him. Damn him!

As continue from page to page, I have to stop myself from skipping pages. More than anything, I want to skip to the end, to see how she feels now, but I need to know her thoughts have progressed and what she has been through.

Sometimes she tells me about her normal day and how she thought of me. Another day she calls me cruel but her words warm my heart...I got your card and gift today. Did you know that day was one of the best days of my life? The fact that you remembered how much I loved those little toys, its just so YOU Adam. It's perfect, and at the same time, it's cruel. You are ruining me for other men. How can any other man stand up to the reverence you seem to have for me?

I discover that Kellan came to visit her in Florida and it pisses me off. I almost stop reading but can't because my need to know is greater than anything else...he asked me that if I had the chance to be with you, would I? I told him, Yes!  I watched his heart break, but he needed to know the truth. He left and I am trying not to feel regret.

God, I love her so much!

I have to take a break from reading, because it's too emotional. How can one woman be so deep, so smart, and so incredibly beautiful? She really is everything, and then some.

I put on some music and continue reading.

One of the last entries is my favorite. She talks about how her counselor divulged to her that I am not gay, and why she made that lie a reality. I love the entire entry but the end part is my favorite...Now that I see the truth, the actual truth, my whole world has changed. Chills run through my body every time I think about seeing you again. Just knowing there is a possibility that you might want to hold me in your arms, makes me pine to be in your presence. I love you. I can't wait to see you, Adam. I have love that is bursting out of me and I need to give it to you. Only you.

Only me, I think.

The next to last entry is not as good. She saw me with Madison and it hurt her. I kick myself for picking Guinevere's to dump Madison. It was close to work and convenient but if I really thought about it, I would have guessed that she would show up there.

The last entry was written this morning, after the interview. I was a silly, heartbroken girl, blinded by denial, but I'm not now. Please forgive me Adam.

As I close the journal, I know that all the anger I felt this morning has left me and I could not get it back if I tried.

I change my clothes into something more comfortable. She should be at my place in about three hours, maybe four. I grab my keys and head out the door.

Gillian

After I spoke to Adam I went to Roxy's office, and waited for her to arrive. Finally, around ten, she comes prancing into her office and screams bloody murder when she see's me, hugging me for an eternity causing me to burst into tears.