"I'm so sorry I got mad at you."
We're sitting on the bed and I have my hand on top of his.
"I was kinda being a dick," he says.
"Yeah you were."
He looks hurt for a second but then he just laughs. It's a fake laugh, but I love hearing it all the same. They're leaving tomorrow and I honestly have no idea how I'm going to cope without him.
"I can always save up and visit you ... When I get a job?" But we both know that's pretty unrealistic. Even if I did get enough, I'd have no idea where they were or how to find them. Besides, Mick and Joe had both said it, and I know it too; musicians on tour hook up with everyone they lay their eyes on, why would I be so special? He'd have met someone new by then anyway.
"I need to tell you something I've been thinking a lot about," I say, surprising myself when I hear the words come out.
"What?" he looks scared.
"You guys are the best band I've ever heard. I'm being serious. You all play like you were born knowing how...It's like nothing I've ever seen. You especially. I don't know how you do it but you're utterly fantastic Mick, you really are. And I know that you guys are going to make it big. I know it. One day everyone's gonna know your name, and long after you've left you'll find a lovely girl who's ten times better than me. She'll be pretty and funny and smart and when you meet her you'll wonder why you ever cared about anyone else. And when that happens you're gonna forget all about that stupid Scottish lass you met at a train station and all this isn't going to matter anymore. I bet you won't even remember my name. And all I want you to know is that I'm okay with that. I will never stop thinking about you and I'll never find anyone else, but you deserve to be happy and I don't care what has to happen to make you happy, okay? I'll never forget about you" he looks like he's going to cry or something. He shakes his head and just stares at me.
"April, no...Do you really think it's gonna work like that? No...I couldn't forget you if I tried, and that lovely girl you were talking about is you, whether you think it or not. I don't mess around with girls I don't want, and I don't remember ever loving anyone as much as I love you. I need you April, I've said it before and I'll say it again 'till you believe me. Until I met you this band was all I had in the world, and now I've got you and I have to pick and it's killin me that you think I'm picking it over you, it's just..." he tries to find the words but I understand.
"It's okay, I understand, I really do."
"That doesn't change the fact that I'm a dick for leavin you..."
"We were never supposed to meet in the first place, it was an accident, you're not picking anything over anything, you're just doing what you have to do. I know what this band means to you, and it wouldn't get anywhere without you."
"I can't leave you," he says, staring at me. There's heart break in his dark eyes and I can feel myself falling apart. We both know he has to. I have visions of us meeting again but I know this is the end.
"I won't forget a second of this you know."
"I know. I couldn't if I tried."
"I like you a lot."
I start sobbing before I can say it back.
