The flat is in dead silence. My footsteps echo on the creaky floorboards as I walk in and sit on the dirty sofa that held so many memories. He's literally just left and I already feel so empty. I dump my backpack that contains everything I've ever had except him. I lay back and stare out the window at the sun setting over the skyline. I can see the train station from here. He's there, right now, as close as I'll ever be to him until he leaves. The reality of it all hits me like a truck but I refuse to cry. He wouldn't be able to stand the thought of me sitting alone crying. So I hold it in for him, knowing he's thinking of me right now. And I realise that I'll never wake up next to him again, never again feel his touch, take shots with him, touch his face or his hair again. What the fuck have I done?! I open my backpack and take out the records I hadn't taken out or listened to since I bought them. And a bit of paper falls out of my folded up Clash t shirt as I take it out of the bag. I pick it up with shaky hands. I've never seen his writing before but I know it's his as soon as I see it. I'm shaking too hard to hold it still at first, but eventually my eyes focus on the letters.
April
I don't want to be writing this but you've made up your mind and I just need to tell you a few things before you forget me. I want you to remember how beautiful you are, because you never seemed to know that, and I can't stand pretty girls thinking they're anything but gorgeous. I don't know if I told you before (and I'm really sorry if I didn't) but I can't seem to find any flaws in you, and I want you to have as much faith in yourself as I do, because I know you're going to work really hard and do really well for yourself.
And most of all, please just remember me, and remember whatever it was we had, because I'm sure you'll come across plenty of guys who'll make you feel more loved than I ever did, but I still like to think that we were special. So I'm begging you not to forget me, and I know I've said it a lot, but I'm just really worried you'll forget all of this ever happened. I don't expect you to think about me an awful lot, but even if it's just when you hear us on the radio or something...Because I'm so scared of you forgetting.
I'm sorry I couldn't convince you to stay.
He didn't even sign it. He didn't have to. He's made me realise what an idiot I've been. He's made me realise what I have to do.
