Finding Sage (Young Adult)

One: Home Again

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Kellan

The bus jerks to the right, startling me and leaving a long dark mark across the lyric sheet I was perfecting. My brow furrows as I examine my surroundings.

"Sorry guys," says Mario, our bus driver. "There were tire parts in the road."

The graffiti now covering my notes, sets off a spark inside me, causing me to throw the pen across the table. It bounces and lands on the floor but I make no move to retrieve it. Resting my head on my arm and inhaling a deep breath, I try to stop my anger and depression from ruining the only day I have been looking forward to in weeks, the last day of our first U.S. tour.

I've contemplated quitting this band every day since I left New York and if I have any sense about me I would stop contemplating and just do it. The only reason I don't is because of my band mates.

They love it - all of it. The fame, the never ending supply of girls, and the partying every night; they eat it up. Right now I hear them chatting about how much they are going to miss being on tour.

I lift my heavy head from my arms and speak to them in a serious tone. "Really? You're going to miss doing the exact same thing, every - single - day? Playing the same songs, in the same order, and getting drunk, every night?"

All four of them look at me like I am crazy. Matt was the first one to speak, "Yeah man, this is the life! The girls, the parties, and everything we want, is at our fingertips. We are living the dream. Do you have any idea how many guys would kill to be in our shoes?"

Jazz shifts his weight, facing me. "Dude, you get the best chicks. We have to settle for your leftovers. What and the hell are you complaining about?" He's has always been jealous of the fact that the girls come to me first, but what he doesn't know, is that I hate their easy attitudes, and how they just give themselves over so quickly.

I look all of them over and plainly state, "That's not the point. There is no meaning behind any of it. Eating out all the time, drinking god-knows how much every night, and trying to remember the name of the girl that just blew me, it gets old. I want a good meal and to enjoy the company of a woman that is interested in knowing more about me than the songs I just played." The blank look on their faces tell me I am about to be chastised.

"Dude, you're effed up," Matt says first. Jazz is quick to follow, "Poor Kellan! Too many nameless blow jobs and not enough...meaningful conversations."

I rolled my eyes as they all throw out mocking comments.

Will comes to my rescue, "No man, I kind of get it. It's fun for a while, but it gets old. Not the guilt free blow jobs, I'll never get tired of that shit, but I want some normal shit too."

I nod and Jasper says, "Dude, you had Stacy. She wanted more with you."

I shake my head and sit up in my seat. "That drama seeking, manipulative bitch? Are you serious? She was using all of us. You know that, right?" Collectively, every band member looks at me startled, forcing me to drive home my point. "Come on, I know you all screwed her. Did she ask you if you could get her to sing on our next album?" They all look around the table at each other, not sure what to say. "Alright, if you screwed her and she asked you something about singing on our next album, raise your hand."

Slowly all the band members raise their hand.

"Point made," I say, standing up and moving to the back of the bus. "I'm going to rest up for another night of...living the dream." My sarcasm is thick and lingers behind me as I nestled in my hole that has been my designated sleeping quarters for the last several months.