Finding Sage (Young Adult)

Twelve: New Parameters

Sage

What have I done? I knew better than to let him get so close. If something happens to Kellan then I won't be able to live with myself.

Laying on my bed, looking at my laptop, and really wanting to call him. If I call him, then what would I say? Thanks for the most incredible kisses and experience, now leave me alone? No, don't call him. Delete his email so you don't have his phone number anymore.

I select the email and put it in the trash.

There. Now I can't call him.

Sage, I yell at myself. You cannot use him as a crutch. You are strong enough to do this on your own.

As I roll over in bed a whiff of his cologne wafts off my body.

Taking a long breath in, I try to savor his smell.

I can do this on my own. He can't get hurt. Wrap it up as a beautiful memory, but don't let him in your life. He deserves something less complicated.

My phone rings and I see it's Gillian.

"Hi Gillian."

"Hey, ummm, so, Kellan kind of told Adam about what happened tonight with Donovan and he called because he's worried about you. He wants to know if you're home safe."

I take a deep breath, "Yes, please tell him I am home safe and sound."

Gillian clears her throat and says, "Can't I just text you his number and then you can let him know?"

"No! Don't do that! I just deleted his number from my email," I say, before realizing that might be too much information. "He needs to leave me alone. It's dangerous with Donovan. You understand that, Adam seems to understand too, but Kellan won't give up. He went to Franky's tonight. He could have gotten killed if things blew up."

"Yeah, I know he did," Gillian says.

"Listen, he's your friend. Please tell him to leave me alone and give me some space. I've made this mess and I am the only one that can clean it up. I don't want anything to do with him anymore."

"Sage, he wants to be there..."

"Gillian," I cut her off, "No. Okay? Just, no."

"Alright. I guess I will tell him, but it's not my place, you know. You should be the one to tell him yourself," she says, and I know she is right.

"I know. I did... but, I know what you mean. You're right."

"Goodnight."

"Night."

Damn it. She is right. I need to tell Kellan myself with more than just a stupid email.

The shower is running while I think about how to tell Kellan to leave me alone, face to face. Seeing him is risking his life because Italian eyes seem to be everywhere, lurking around every stupid corner.

I take off my clothes and his familiar scent comes over me again.

Turning the shower knob to off, I realize I don't want to wash his smell off me right now. As silly as it sounds, I want try to remember the best part of the night and not let stalker Donovan take it away from me. How does he ruin every good thing in my life?

*****

On my way to work, I stop in the Starbucks where I first met Kellan. I know its ridiculous, because he's staying with Greg now and no longer living in Soho, but a part of me hopes to see him here. A part of me wishes for that one day, which seems so long ago, to happen again.