Finding Sage (Young Adult)

Thirty-Two: Nine Months Later

Kellan

"Sage, I couldn't put it down! Its best book I've read in years," Roxy says, hugging my beloved while we commend the publishing of her new memoir. Our little group of friends, along with Fin and Bridge are all at Adam and Gillian's place, celebrating before we have to go to a much larger event that Angela is hosting at Whisper.

The last year has been spent finding Sage. First, it was me always trying to find her when I would leave her alone for five minutes. Later, after Donovan was in prison, Sage had to learn what it was like to live for herself, to discover the things that she liked, without Donovan's controlling input. Even something as simple as finding an ice cream flavor that suited her was a challenge. She hated vanilla, but it was all he would allow. After many, many trips to ice cream stores, Sage discovered that she likes mint chocolate chip, rum raisin and most of all, like she will eat while covered in snow, even, is banana ice cream. Francis made it for her to try one evening and now she begs him for it.

It's been an interesting journey helping Sage find who she was made to be and there are many things we have yet to discover about her and each other.

Sage's book, titled Finding Sage, tells of her life before, during and after Donovan. It was a very difficult book for her to write. She cried a lot and fought with me over nothing, pushing me away, quit often and even tried to break up with me several times. It was hard to remain strong and not be hurt. I never let her leave me; that was the key. She would say she wanted to break up and I'd simply told her, "No, I do not accept."

She had to relive painful parts of her past and would start to feel unworthy all over again. At least seven times she gave up writing the book, saying it was too painful and convincing herself that no one would be interested in reading it. Each and every time, she came to me to help her get through it. She did not try to do it all on her own, and every time she gave in to understanding that there is no weakness in sharing your struggles with those that care, the stronger my love for her became. Also, the stronger we became.

Being able to relive experiences with her, also, made me realize how very little I understood her in the beginning. She told me that over and over but I was too naive to grasp the depth of her life.

I always wanted to find someone to love, but I never knew how amazing it would be to give yourself fully to someone, and trust him or her enough to take care of you. In addition, I never knew how hard it would be to see her struggle and fight and wrath in her sleep. Internal turmoil is a painful infliction.

Sage would say that I taught her about what true love means, but she has taught me. Together we are one, and there is nothing I would not do for her.

Lost in thought, I feel Sage's breath on my ear, "Come with me." Sage holds her hand out to me.

Placing my glass on the table, I stand and take her hand. She drags us into the study and closes the door. She releases my hand, walks across the room, and opens the closet door revealing the mirror. "Do you remember this mirror?"

"Do I remember it? Are you kidding? I could never forget it," I say as I look at both of us in the mirror and pull her to me.

"Kellan, it was that night that changed my life. You gave me the strength I needed. You empowered me." She turns to face me and wraps her arms around my waist. "I know I have not been easy."

"That's an understatement," I say under my breath, with a chuckle.

"But... I want you to know how much I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. I am sure I will never make things easy on you, and there will be times that you want to kick me to the curb..."

"Never, my darling, never," I say.

"This is hard, so please just listen," she requests. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you..." I feel her body stiffen with nerves and it makes me realize what she is about to do.

Oh no, no, no. She will not get the jump on me.

I cut her off by putting a finger over her lips. "Before you say anything else, I have something to say."

"Can I finish first?" she asks.

"No," I say, smiling at her. "When I first saw you in that coffee shop, I felt an immediate connection. I knew there was something special about you. To discover that you were the girl that all our friends were desperately trying to match me with, was a lovely revelation. However, getting to really know you Sage, and seeing you cry, and get mad at me, and laugh with me, and talk to me, and always coming back and loving me, it has made me feel complete. We had a bumpy start, but I would not change one single thing about our time together.

Sage, the way you share everything with me, and how I want to share with you, lets me know that we are one. I want to know every detail of your day and watch you tell it in great detail. Every time I see you, I want to get my hands on you. You bring out the best in me and I want you for forever. I want there to be an us for forever." I reach into my pocket and pull out the little box and open it. Bending on one knee, I look up at her. "My darling Sage, will you marry me?"

"Kellan!" she screams and brings her hand to her face. "Oh my god! Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times over, yes." She hugs me with tears in her eyes, "I was going to ask you! The thought of just being your girlfriend just did not seem like enough lately, but I was not going to pressure you. So, I choose to do it tonight."

"So I noticed," I say joking, "but I am too old fashioned for that. But thank you for choosing the place you wanted to get engaged. I was all up in a huff about it."

She laughs with tears in her eyes as I put the ring on her finger. "I love it, Kellan. I love you so much."

"You are my love, Sage, you have it all.