A slow fall

Chapter 29 - Lucas

    I sat there, looking at the four fingers I still held in the air. Caleb had five left up on his own hand. Bates and Shane both had three fingers remaining, and once again seemed to take this as some form of competition. It was in some ways a showcase of who we were, judgements formed based on the few things we had or hadn't done.

Caleb had never been in a relationship. While I'd known that, it still felt surprising.

Shane had hazed him about it, and Caleb laughed along. His mood shifted slightly when Erik joked about his preference for one night stands, and while he still wore a smile, it dimmed.

So many questions swirled in my mind.

My thoughts lately seemed to be overtaken by Caleb, and Caleb and Caleb, and that led to a lot of thinking.

Thinking about what he says, and what he does, and how he acts. What the lingering silences mean, and the distant expressions. The need for space but craving for intimacy. Everything he is and everything he doesn't want me to see.

There was so much I'd never known, or failed to notice, brushing it off like nothing. Now I was starting to believe there was something hiding in the gaps.

What, I wasn't quite sure what yet, but I was intent to find out.

It was after that when sex was mentioned. A never have I ever people always included—an easy way to get most people drinking. Something in me felt uneasy when Caleb reluctantly lifted his cup to his lips.

Jealousy, maybe? But he shifted again and fiddled with my fingers, a subconscious habit I'd noticed he does when he's nervous. He fidgets.

Erik chimed in again, more jesting that only caused Caleb to push back into me more, then he smiled and I was thrown.

Maybe I was over analysing things?

"Never have I kissed someone of the same gender." Drinking games in college, even if people weren't that way inclined, tended to involve kissing anyone, so once again most people drank.

Caleb stared for a minute into his cup and I wondered if maybe I'd got everything wrong, read into things that weren't there, that he wasn't gay. Then he drank. A long gulp that finished off his drink and had him quickly excusing himself to get a refill.

He didn't take long, and nothing seemed as unnerving after that. He didn't reach for my hand, but still came back to sit on my lap. His sips were more like gulps, but I didn't comment. The game just carried on until everyone had had a go and someone—Shane, who was first to show off his closed fist as he claimed victory—deemed themselves the most adventurous of the bunch.

Soon the music was blaring again, people were up dancing, and more bodies filtered in from outside.

"Dance?" Caleb asked once he'd finished his second refill. Who was I to say no?

I wasn't a dancer, but Caleb moved with ease. He flowed like water and I let myself drown in his current.

"Guys," Shane appeared beside us at some point, determinedly dragging us from the crowd despite Caleb's protests, "it's beer pong time."

"And we have to be there because?" Caleb grumbled in annoyance. I could only laugh at the cute little pout on his face.

"Moral support."

"Be prepared to lose Shaney boy." Bates jeered as we entered the kitchen. "What prize do I get if I win?"

Shane snorted, "I wouldn't get too ahead of myself if I was you."

"Beer pong is my thing."

"You said that about mario kart."

"And bowling."