Who I am

Support group

If I was still the old me I would have f*cked josh by now. No joke. As the new me I'm still avoiding him, I got Harvey's number and we've been hanging out all week.
***
Me: uggghhhh soooo bored! Come over:) xMx

I waited for a reply that came two minutes later

Harvey: It's two am!!?
H x
I sighed.

Me: Pleaseeeeee xMx

Harvey: fine:/ Hx

Me: :) climb the tree behind the house it's branch reaches the roof xMx

I put my phone down and smiled. About 10 minutes later Harvey was at my window. I opened it and said "what are you doing out there?? Get your cute butt in here!"
"You think my butts cute?" He said as he climbed through the window. I just laughed. "Maddie why am I here? If any other girl asked me to show up at her house so early I would have told them to piss off."
I kissed his cheek "because we're friends" we stayed up for a bit but I got tired and fell asleep. He must have left after that as I found a note saying 'didn't realise I was so boring you'd fall asleep;) see you at school. Hx' I just smiled at the letter for a few moments before going to shower.
***
(Saturday)
Finally the weekend is in my grasp! Sleeping all day Saturday, Netflix Sunday day time and rushing assignments from 6pm onwards. Don't you love the weekend. Except this weekend I wake up to my dad shouting me at 7am!! I walked downstairs to see what he wanted.
"Maddison" bad start "I know your going to hate me for this but I'd like you to go to this support group for depressed teens. If you won't do it for you do it for me." He's right I didn't want to go but if it will make him happy I should go.
I sigh " when does it start?"
"10minutes get your things." This was NOT enough time for me to get ready. I threw on a pair of black skinny jeans and a vest with a jacket, put a hat on to cover my bed head, didn't bother with makeup and ran downstairs to get my shoes on.
***
It was held in the cheapest room in the community centre, the whole thing had a very The Fault In Our Stars feeling about it. As I took my seat watching the sad excuses for teenagers in this room, including me.
After a few minutes everyone sat down and a boney, stick thin, blonde woman stood up. "Hello" she said in a volume that was just under shouting. "I'm Nancy and I'm the leader of this support group for anyone with any mental illness. I know what your thinking 'how does she know about mental illness?'," this was true I was thinking that, "well from age 13-17 I suffered from depression, anxiety and anorexia. I'm still recovering now." She continued to tell her story for the next 5 minutes before asking "Now. Who would like to share first?" This question terrified me.
In the end a girl a lot taller and thinner than me stood up. She was pretty. She had blue eyes and red hair. "I'm c-Candace" she stuttered, she had braces but I don't think that's why she stuttered. "And I suffer from bulimia. It's where each time you eat you throw up your food." She stood awkwardly for a moment before sitting down "we support you Candace" Nancy said.
Many people went after Candace. There were a variety of people here from cancer survivors with depression to recovering drug addicts. I went last after a boy called Mitchell.
"Um hi? Im Maddie, 16, diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety just over 2 years ago. I got better then suffered a relapse a few months back... So here I am" there was a solid lump in my throat that felt the size of a tennis ball, I glanced over at Nancy the support group leader and she nodded to say I could sit.
The plastic seat was cold and uncomfortable, I hate support group. It's such bullshit, they wrap you in what feels like a metaphorical blanket of comfort but it's really a false sense of security.
"We're here for you Maddie" she said in a bored voice (I give it to her she has just said it 27 times). "Right I'm going to pair you up and I want you to spend the week getting to know that person and by this time next week I want you to have a presentation ready about the person." She smiled "this will help you understand mental health problems you don't necessarily have." I heard a sigh from a few people on the far side of the circle.
"Candace, you go with Donna. Callum you with Jane..." She carried on until she got to me "Maddie you're with um..." She looked round the room for someone who wasn't in a pair "ah! Nathan! Yes you're with Nathan." She pointed to a boy a bit taller than me with quite long black hair and a septum piercing. Well at least we look like a pair!
Nathan is the type of guy I would have made fun of before but now I was intrigued to find out more about him.
"Okay everyone that's the end of support group today, I'll see you next week week with your presentations." As people started to stand up and leave I walked over to Nathan.
"Um hi?" I said for the second time today, he looked at me and stood up, he was taller than I thought. "I guess we are working together." I said cheerfully. He grunted "yup" I stood there awkwardly for a few moments while he got his stuff together.
"Are you walking home?" I asked
"Uh-huh" he mumbled while putting one earphone in.
"Where abouts do you live? Maybe we could walk together?" Shut up Maddie you're trying to hard! Be cool.
"Broad road" he said
"Is that near Oakley way?"
"Round the corner" he sighed
"Um could I maybe walk with you?" I asked, he nodded. "Great!" I said a little too perky.
***
We have been walking for about 5 minutes now. I decided to break the silence.
"What are you listening to?" I burst out with
"Huh?" He said pulling out an earphone.
"What are you listening to?" I repeated. He didn't say anything for a moment.
"Here" he said passing me an earphone "sleeping with sirens" he said actually sounding happy for the first time since I met him.