Who I am

Nathan.

Sleeping with sirens wasn't what I usually listen to but I kinda liked it.
"Good?" Nathan asked excitedly
"Yeah I love it.. It's different." He seemed to smile when I said this. After a few minutes of listening to his songs it started raining and I slipped off the curb but Nathan caught me before I fell.
"Uh thanks" I said. He smiled and gave me his jacket. The rest of the walk was awkward. When we was about to go separate ways I said this "do you maybe wanna come over? To work on the project obviously" I sounded like a 5 year old.
"Yeah sure, if it's okay with your mom?" My smile fades when he said this. "Did I say something wrong?"
"No no no it's just my mum died a few months back and that's kinda why I'm at support group..." The rest of the walk to mine was silent.
***
When we got to the end of my drive I took the earphone out and said "well... Here we are" as excitedly as I could.
"Y.. You.. You live here!!!" He sounded a mix of shocked and excited with a hint of sadness.
"It's just a house" I said.
"I live in a three bedroom flat with my six siblings and single mother.." He said as he approached my porch. I dug deep in my bag and eventually found my key, rushing to get the door open and out of the cold made me shake so after a few seconds Nathan unlocked the door for me. We left our shoes at the door and I carried on walking to the foot of the stairs. Nathan was taking his time to admire everything. He stopped when he saw a family photo. My mom was in that photo. I cleared my throat to get his attention.
"Sorry" he said before following me up the stairs to my room.
"This is my room" I say opening the door, letting him enter first.
"Sweet " he said referring to my queen sized bed. He dumped his bag on the floor and sprawled out taking up most of the bed, in the end I just sat on a bean bag chair.
"We should probably get working on this project" I said after what felt like forever.
"What's your favourite colour?" Nathan said sarcastically.
"We have to dig deeper than that" I frowned.
"Fine, when you was little what did you want to be?" His question shocked me, he seemed very transparent before but now he's becoming more of a puzzle that I'm intrigued to solve.
"I don't know, um, a dancer." I said remembering I used to do ballet. "You?" I asked.
He didn't respond with words, he just patted the side of my bed he'd moved from. I sat next to him with not much room between us and laid down like he was. Nathan seemed to be looking out of my sky light window.
"An explorer." He said at last "I wanted to be Indiana Jones" after a moment he chuckled, as did I. I tilted my head to the side so it was resting on his. I felt him turn to face me but I didn't move. I heard him mutter under his breath "you're a mystery." I smiled a little at the comment. I was beginning to enjoy it here.
***
Nathan stay for about 2 hours but soon left when dad came home. I guess he's shy?
It was my turn to cook tonight so dad had been out getting to ingredients for vegetable soup. I made it for mom and dad once before.
"I went to her grave today" I heard dad say from behind me. I closed my eyes tightly as a tear rolled down my cheek. "God I miss her so much." He said as he walked out the kitchen. "wake me when it's cooked!" He shouted as he climbed the stairs.
I could barely see the food I was chopping due to tears. I forgot how much I missed her. I began to chop faster but the knife slipped and cut the palm of my hand. I rushed to the sink and turned on the tap but didn't put my hand under, I just stared at the broken skin and blood running down my fingers, the weirdest thing is it didn't hurt. I must be in too much pain already. I heard movement upstairs which snapped me out of the daze. Quickly I bandaged the wound and got back to making the soup.
***
I glanced at my phone 8:30pm it read. Dad was downstairs chugging down beers faster than Usain Bolt can run.
Meanwhile I was still replaying the accident in my head. The look of terror in my moms eyes as we hit the truck. It was my fault. If I hadn't been rude dad would have been looking at the road and mom wouldn't have died. Tears were forming lakes on my pillows. I felt like my whole body was collapsing and my skin was burning. I miss her. Without a second thought I turned on the tap in my bath tub and kept it running till the tub was full. I then ran through to the main bathroom where dad kept his spare razor blades for his razor and took it back to my bathroom, I locked the door and got in the bath with my clothes on. I didn't know what I was doing yet I'd never felt so certain about anything in my entire life. I clutched on the the razor and rolled up my sleeve. I took a deep breath before pressing the razor down and dragging it across my wrist, blood immediately began gushing out of the cut turning the water in the bath bright red. The pain felt good, like I was closer to mom. I then did the same thing again on the other wrist before feeling light headed. After a few moments of silence and dizziness I began to lose consciousness and slip under the water. I remember my lungs filling with blood filled water. I then drifted out of consciousness and into darkness...

Dads p.o.v
Even though I was drunk as hell nothing could take the pain away. It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and popped on the floor infront of me. I heard thudding from upstairs, that's not like Maddie, she's always quiet. I walked up the stairs to check on her and noticed my bathroom door was open. I looked to see if she was in there, she wasn't but my vanity cupboard was ransacked. I scanned through the mess to see what was missing... The razor...
I ran across the hall and burst into her room, she wasn't there, I was about to leave when I saw her bathroom door was shut.
"Maddie honey you in there?" I shouted. I was getting worried when there was no response so tried the door, locked. "Hunny open the door" I said calmly, still nothing. I heard whimpering from inside the room so began barging the door, nothing. As I heard splashing of water I took a strong kick at the door and it flew open. I couldn't even go in the room at the view I saw. Bath water stained red, my bloody razor on the floor, and there she was. My little baby lay, sliced wrists in her bath tub. All of this was only a few moments before I ran over and got her out of the water. I rushed to her phone and dialled 999. After 2 rings they picked up.
"What emergency service do you require?" The woman said.
"An Errm, AMBULANCE!" I yelled.
"Transferring you now" she said calmly. I brushed a strand of my angels soaked hair out of her face as I waited for the hospital to answer.
"What is the emergency" a man asked.
"It's my daughter, she sliced her wrists and tried to kill herself" I said barely letting the man finish his sentence.
"Calm down sir, what's the address?"
"40 Oakley way" please hurry she doesn't have much time!" I cried, staring down at my child's lifeless body, I can't loose her too.
"Dispatch are on the way sir." The man said before I hung up. I don't know how long she has left.
"I'm sorry" I murmur "I've been a crappy dad, I wasn't cut out for this, we was only young when we had you, I wasn't prepared" a tear rolled down my cheek "but I promise you this, I wouldn't trade you for the world, I'm gonna stop drinking and become a brilliant dad no matter what it takes." I kissed maddies cold forehead.
"I love you sweetie"