Who I am

Be normal

"Coffee?" Nathan asked, he's becoming more comfortable with me.
"Please" I say my eyes glued to my laptop. Nathan had arranged to meet and learn more about each other so we can write our presentation Wednesday, Thursday, Friday (support group on Saturday). We haven't hung out in a few days for obvious reasons.
I had a Microsoft word document open that had notes is wrote about Nathan, I also had a google tab open. As soon as Nathan walked to the queue I opened the tab revealing a news article about my dad. It was posted this morning after his trial. I mouthed what it said. 'Local residents 'Darryl Mccan' father of one was charged for murdering his deceased wives sister earlier in the week. The judge found him guilty and sentenced him to 16 years in prison' 16 years of not seeing my father. Where was I going to live? I can't afford that house and I can't rely on Harvey's mom to adopt me! I closed the tab and took a deep breath. My head felt like it was spinning and my chest, like there was a brick in it. Oh no, a panic attack. My fingers dug into the side of the table as I tried to focus on anything but what was going on inside me.
Nathan got back a few moments later and saw the state I was in. He slid into my side of the booth and held my hand.
"Look at me, focus your mind on me." He said in a calm voice. I looked like he said to, my mind focused on his voice. "Good now close your eyes."
"But you just-"
"Just do it" he laughed. I closed my eyes, gripping his hand tighter. "Now picture the pain your feeling as a shape or an object and put a colour with it. "describe it to me"
I pictured the pain in my chest.
"I see a red angry rectangle." I whispered "sitting on my lungs" I choked. He rubbed my back like you would a baby. It comforted me a little.
"Now embrace it, let it be there" I frowned at this "trust me" he stopped running my back. I did what he said and the pain got smaller along with this image I'd created in my head until it was gone. I let go of his hand and opened my eyes. He smiled. I dived at him hugging him.
"How did you know that would work?" I whispered.
"I used to have panic attacks too you know" he whispered back.
I didn't mention what had caused my panic attack to Nathan, instead we continued to get to know each other better.
***
When I left the coffee shop I realised i needed a job to stay alive. I walked past a jewellers but someone had just got the job. I applied at a bakery but the hours were during school time. After a while of searching I found a job at a bar (yes I know a 16 year old in a bar?!?) but I was working the waitress service, this meant I just had to get the drinks from the bar to the booth, I wouldn't be allowed to work behind the bar till I'm 18. They said I start next week. That means I need to get some money for this weeks bills...
I rang Harvey to see if he had a way I could get a little money. He told me he was going to a work at a car boot stall and asked if I wanted to join him. I really needed the money.
When I got home I pulled out a few cardboard boxes and began searching for things to sell. I found one of dads old watches and some of my moms jewellery that was worth a lot and put it in the box. After an hour of looking I thought I should try the basement.
It was a gold mine, of junk. I found some shoes with a stain I spent an hour scrubbing out, an old cricket set me and dad used to play with, a China tea set and some other things. When I thought I'd searched every box I came across one I'd asked dad to sell weeks ago. It was a box of my designer stuff from when I was a barbie doppelgänger. The box's contents was worth at least £1000 in total. I think that's enough for a car boot sale so I began marking prices on items. The tea set £20 (we bought it from a car boot for £15), the shoes £9, moms jewellery and box £90 (some real gold items) and my box of things varied from £50-£200. By the time id finished it was 1am so I had no time for food and went straight to bed.
***
School hit me like a shit tonne of bricks. I stumbled in, my third coffee in an hour in hand and bags under my eyes that could carry your weekly shopping. I didn't bother with my hair so put a hat on.
"You look like shit." I heard a familiar face say. When I turned around I saw josh. I just rolled my eyes and began to walk away. "Maddie hey wait up!" He yelled before following me.
"what do you want? I'm not gonna stand there and be insulted" I say. He puts his hand on my shoulder to turn me around.
"Look I came here to say I'm sorry for the way I've been. It's just I don't get why you don't want me, I mean what's not to like?" He said emphasising his body.
"Your so full of crap, you'd marry your reflection of it were possible" I said waking to my locker.
"Okay I'm sorry I don't know what's gotten into me it's just I haven't stopped thinking about you and I've never been like this." He sighed. He was telling the truth. I actually felt bad for him. "Just give me a chance to make you happy, please." I thought about it before looking at him and sighing.
"ONE chance okay? You fuck this up that's it. And I want a favour out of it." He smiled and rubbed the back of his neck while I unlocked my locker. "Hold this" I said passing him my coffee so I could get my books.
"What's the favour?" He asked passing me my coffee back.
"That guy, not Curtis the other one?" I said.
"Tyler?" He asked.
"The hot one?"
"Yeah" he laughed.
"Blake really likes him, would you maybe be able to persuade him to take her out?" I sounded so needy.
"Yeah of course. I will ask him in my next class." he began to walk away. "I'll text you about the date!" He yelled. I think he just wanted people to hear though. I smiled and closed my locker before heading to class.