Who I am

Im fine.

Maddies p.o.v
My eyes flutter open, at first the room is blurred but I soon realise where I am. The hospital. I was still oblivious to what had happened last night until the flashbacks came moments later. I must have scared the hell out of my dad.
After I'd fully gained consciousness I looked around the bed for a nurse call button as my dad surprisingly wasn't sat beside me. The button made a quiet buzzing noise when pressed. A few moments later a young blonde woman came in.
"Oh good you're awake" she said in a very relieved tone.
"Yeah" I said still a little confused.
"Let me just check that everything is okay before I let your father see you, I'm sure he's worried-" I cut her off
"No, no, can he please not see me like this, I've hurt him enough." I was practically begging the poor girl.
"Oh Errm okay, the hospital says the patient has that choice. I will still need to check everything of course." She looked at the clipboard on my bed and then at the bandages on either of my wrists. She then fiddled with the pump that was pushing air in and out of my lungs.
"They were almost filled with water by the time you got here, you're lucky to be alive sweetie." She said, referring to my lungs, her accent was clearer now, Australian. "Well maybe not lucky for you under the reasons you're here." Her voice had an awkward tone to it. She cleared her throat to fill the silence. "Everything is working fine, we will need you to stay till tomorrow so we can make sure your lungs are better, is it just your father you don't want to see you or is it everyone?" I thought about this for a long time before concluding with:
"Just my dad." I was thinking of Nathan when I said this.
"Okay hunny rest up now and we will let you know if anyone else pops by." I smiled as she left the room. I looked at the seat next to me, my phone, the nurse must have sneaked it in as we aren't supposed to have them. I grabbed it and immediately started to type.
Me: hey can you cover for me at school? In the hospital at the moment xMx
I stared at the message for Harvey for a few seconds before deleting it and rewriting it.
Me: hey won't be at school tomorrow, I'm fine don't worry just write down any assignments i miss xMx
I clicked send. A few minutes went by before Harvey replied.
Harvey: why aren't you here?!? Please don't tell me your ditching me for josh? :( Hx

Me: ew no way! Just held up. Don't worry. xmx

H: okay? Hx

Me: okay xMx

I closed the chat with Harvey and typed another message this time to Nathan. He's the only one who really understands me.
Me: tell me you're not busy right now? Need company. xMx

Nathan: am I ever busy?XD sure is everything okay? N

Me: funny story actually... I'm in hospital. Hehe? xMx

Nathan: what the hell? Why? No don't tell me I'm on my way. N

I'm not sure if I should have done that but he's the only person I can really speak to right now. About 10 minutes after Nathan said he was on his way the door to my room opened. It was Nathan. I smiled and broke down in tears at the same time. Once he'd closed the door he just stared, at the pump at my wrists then at my face. He rushed over and hugged me.
"Why?" He asked in tears.
"I want to be with my mom" I sobbed.
"Are you crazy?!? That's not the way to go, you was put on this earth to live a long life not end it when it gets too much! You don't get to choose if you get hurt you just have to make the best out of a bad situation after." He sat with me and held my hand.
"I'm sorry" I said when I finally composed myself. He squeeze my hand to let me know it's okay, I winced a little as he touched close to the stitches.
"That's gonna leave one hell of a scar..." He said "I should know." He rolled up his sleeve to reveal multiple scars covering his arm. I ran my finger tips along them, he looked at me disgusted with himself.
"We need eachother" I said holding his hand again.
***
I was discharged from the hospital the next day like promised. Dad drove me home in silence, I didn't want to talk to him. We pulled up in the drive, he stopped the engine and turned to me "you have to talk about this eventually, it, it's not normal." His words lit a flame in my stomach. I didn't say anything instead I got out the car and ran. "MADDISON!" I heard my father yell. I ran to the end of the block before calling Harvey to pick me up. I couldn't go to Nathan as he was out of town for the day.
When he pulled up he looked scared.
"Is everything okay? You scared me to death over the phone." I opened the door to his jeep and got in.
"Can we go to your place?" I asked
"Sure, moms out so you don't have to worry about meeting her in such an awkward circumstance." I smiled and pulled the sleeves of my hoodie over my hands. I'd never been to Harvey's before, it was a beautiful cottage on the outskirts of town, a thatched roof and white walls. We got to his room, the walls were covered in sketches of things from cartoons to objects to people.
"Harvey these are beautiful" I said "you have a gift." He blushed and offered to take my jacket. Completely forgetting about my stitches I handed him it, the look of horror on his face is what made me remember. I snatched my jacket back, covering my wrists up and turning away.
"What the hell did you do?" He sounded upset "did you fall in a thorn bush or something?" He laughed trying to lighten the mood. I wasn't going to lie to my best friend so I told him .
"Actually their self inflicted, you can tell by the angle" I coughed. His expression broke my heart. We walked over to his bed and sat on the end. He pulled my jacket out the way and examined the wounds.
"Why?" He said, he sounded more broken than my dad did when mom died. He must care. I told him absolutely everything and broke down in his arms.
Harvey's p.o.v
My shirt. Was soggy with her tears but right now I didn't care. The girl I've fallen for tried to kill herself. I'm not that bad am I? I kissed her forehead and told her everything is gonna be okay. God I love her...