Who I am

Dates and support group

"Dear diary. Still alone. It's my birthday in two weeks. The council told me I can keep the house for when I am old enough to live alone but for now have to live with Harvey. Harvey's mom tells the council I'm living there when really I'm living in the house with their number on speed dial, Janet (Harvey's mom) gets extra money for looking after me so she gives me that to go towards the bills and food shopping ect.
I'd better go. I have a project to do." I was sat on my bed writing in my diary I've kept since mom died. I move the book and put my laptop in its place. Time to work on my presentation about Nathan.
***
I hate Thursdays. It's teasing us with the weekend. I walked into school earlier than usual. I was trying to find Harvey. I called his phone, he picked up after 3 rings.
"Where are you? Are you even at school yet?" I say in fast forward.
"Turn around" he laughed. I turned to see him a couple of steps behind me. I laughed and hugged him. "So what was so urgent you came to school early to say?" He asked
"So erm you know josh..."
"Prick! Continue" Harvey said a little angrily.
"He asked me on a date..."
"Please tell me you said no?" I shook my head.
"Well I did at first but then-" I tried to explain
"Save it!" Harvey said barging past me and down the hall. I was about to go after him when the head teacher called me to his office.
" you wanted to see me sir?" I asked
"It appears you haven't completed one homework assignment since you arrived here and haven't been attending detentions. I understand there are family issues but this is unacceptable and we have decided to put you on a 3 month exclusion."
"Can you do that?" I asked
"Yes. After today you are not to attend this school till December 3rd. Understood?" I nodded and left. I leant against the lockers and slid down till I was sat on the floor. Tears fell from my eyes as my whole world fell apart.
"Hey hey hey, shhh it's okay, what's wrong?" I heard a voice say. I looked up to see Tyler, the hot guy who was with josh.
"I'm fine" I said my voice cracking and my mascara running down my face.
"You're clearly not." He said wiping the mascara and tears off my face. "I want to help."
" I'm being expelled, today's my last day for 3 months." I sniffed, he sat next to me even though it was lesson time.
"So you're gonna miss all the important things in school..." He said, I nodded. "You know I'm a year 11, leaving this year and your year 10, I've learnt the stuff you will miss."
"What are you getting at?" I asked finally looking up from my knees.
"I can be your tutor!" He said happily.
"You'd do that for me?" I smiled. He nodded. "Thank you so much! Finally something's going good." I dived over and hugged him making him struggle to keep balance.
***
At the end of the day I went to my locker where i saw Harvey and this other girl. He was kissing her, like full on snog! Unbelievable, I thought he liked me... "Don't choke" I whispered in his ear as I barged the girls shoulder and walked off.
After walking half way home I decided I didn't want to be alone so I text Nathan.
Me: you free?:( xMx

Nathan: yeah is everything okay? N

Me: no:( xMx

Nathan: ill be at yours in 10 N
I smiled at this and hurried home myself.
***
When the doorbell rang happiness ran through my body although I was still sad about Harvey. I swung the door open and dived into Nathan's arms, for once I felt safe, I felt his arms slowly wrap around me.
"What's wrong?" He asked sounding really worried. I pulled out of the hug and told him about Harvey.
"I thought he liked me not her" I cried, "all the stress of being kicked out of school and my dad going to prison topped it off, I don't think life was made for me..." I finished.
"Sometimes we just have to deal with the fact that life doesn't always go our way" he said brushing a tear from my chin.
"I'm just sick and tired of trying to hide the mess that I am, I had enough of that back when I was miss popular at my old school."
*flashback*
I walked with Cara telling her about how my dad got drunk and hit my mom, Cara was the only one who knew about my problems. We walked into the cafeteria where I sat with the cheerleaders and she with the mathematicians.
"Johnny is so hot, I totally think you have a chance with him M" one girl said, "are you okay? You seem distracted." She asked
"I'm fine." I said "everything's perfect"
*end of flashback*
"You know you don't have to pretend anymore. Change into the person you want to be not who everyone else wants you to be, and hey fuck Harvey he lost a great girl like you for a girl who will have forgotten his name by tomorrow. His loss" I smiled at this. I looked at Nathan who was looking at me, he brushed a strand of hair from my face before leaning in and planting a kiss on my lips, it only lasted a few seconds but it was magical it felt different to when Harvey kissed me, this one had meaning. He pulled away and smiled. He stayed for a few hours before leaving with the excuse he had an extremely interesting presentation to plan for support group:)
***
Today's the day I have to do my presentation on Nathan. Josh said he wants to meet me on the pier at 12, 1 hour after support group ends. I walk through to the cold open room and take my seat clutching onto a disc and a piece of paper, I watch the lost faces enter the room and sit, finally Nathan walks in and takes a seat, as soon as his eyes see me his face lights up, this made me feel happy.
"Hello everyone, I see you all have something for your presentation. I want to tell Ashton how proud I am of him, his partner is sadly no longer with us and he had the choice to do the presentation or not but he thought it would be a nice way to say goodbye to her." Pair by pair people went up, about 7 presentations later it was my go, Nathan wanted me to go first. I put the disc in the laptop that projected my slideshow into a white wall. I pressed play and the show of photos of my time with Nathan began to play on the wall, he smiled.
"Nathan Tyler Mellows, age 17, the first thing I learnt about Nathan is that he loves sleeping with sirens and I've become a fan too, he's the type of guy who would text you saying that he's at McDonald's and wants to know your order." He laughed, " he isn't what you would expect but really, is anyone? Nathan has become very important to me and stuck by me through my suicide attempts and father going to prison." Everyone was giving me pitiful looks. " the other day I asked him to come over after discovering my best friend whom i was in love with, was kissing another girl after leading me on. He is so wise. Nathan told me something that has stuck in my head since then, that is 'Sometimes we just have to deal with the fact that life doesn't always go our way' before I met him i had lost myself and Nathan has helped me to find me again." As I said the last sentence a photo of Nathan piggybacking me on the beach popped up. He smiled as I sat down. Nancy nodded at Nathan to show his. He stood up and picked up a guitar that was leant against the wall. Another boy stood up and took the guitar and began to play a quiet melody while Nathan spoke.
"Maddie has recently been through a lot, I want to be the one that's there for her, before I met her I shut everyone out, barely spoke and had such an attitude. Maddie brought out a side of me that I didn't know I still had, she mentioned about her dick of a friend who hurt her, she mentioned I comforted her but what she didn't mention and will probably kill me for mentioning is that I kissed her. It wasn't a pity kiss it was real, this girl not only saved me from drowning in self hate but also made me fall in love..." He walked over to me "I love you Maddison." I stood up and hugged him.
Support group flew by after that and Nancy said from our presentations she feels we no longer need to attend support group.
***
I got to the pier and saw josh waiting for me, all I could think about was Nathan, josh smiled and hugged me.
"I didn't think you was coming" he laughed. I faked a laugh. We walked along the pier for a while before going to a diner and having a meal. It was nice but I just didn't feel it.
"Is everything okay?" Josh asked when we arrived at my house.
"You're a nice guy josh, today was great but I'm not in love with you, we can be friends but I dint think there will ever be anything more, I'm sorry." I didn't let him say anything I just went in the house.