Hetalia X Reader Oneshots~

America x Depressed!Reader- You Found Me

(Was trying to get inspiration when suddenly "You Found Me" came on. Dang it, these kinds of songs make me cry every time) ;~;

~~~~~Reader's p.o.v~~

I stood on top of the school building, tears falling down my (S/C) face while the wind was blowing. I look down at my phone. "Reports of strong winds coming in from the south." I put the phone back into my pocket, frowning. Why did they have to leave me behind all the time? Was I not good enough? I shake my head, wiping my tears away. No. I can't do this.... I stare down at the earth, knowing that even if I did do this, people who commit suicide don't get the pleasure of seeing heaven... Or Jesus. Then again, I doubt anyone in heaven would like to deal with me. I think about all those sermons my grandfather would preach, and the dinner prayers, the hope of meeting God one day, and... Him. My best friend. My... Only real friend. Sure, I did have a lot of friends, like (Bf,) but only Alfie ever understood me. Alfred F. Jones. The school's most 'popular' boy. The one everyone was dying to date. He's perfect, but he would never truly notice me as more than his friend. He stood up for me a lot, and I was grateful for that, but somewhere inside me I always told myself how pathetic I was for needing someone to stand up for me. I also hated those lies that he would tell me, like how 'beautiful' and 'kind' I was. Ha. He doesn't know me! I'm not pretty at all. "Pretty people don't hate themselves." "Pretty people don't attempt to take their lives." "Pretty people don't cut." "Pretty people aren't depressed." I'd keep telling myself. I guess I did consider myself pretty nice though, I guess. I always stood up for my friends, and I'd always tell off anyone who upset my friends. I laugh quietly, running a hand through my (h/c) hair. But Recently things had started changing. My best friends recently started hanging out with the older kids, always saying how fun they were. "Oh, ___, me and (r/n) went to the ice cream place the other day!" "Hey __! Sorry I couldn't go to your sleepover, (r/n) was having one too." "Oh my gosh! It was your birthday? Sorry __, I was hanging out with (r/n)!" My best friends always had some excuse. It eventually came to a point where they would just stop saying goodbye to me because they were too busy talking to (r/n). I always ended up the third wheel. Finally they invited me to go on a walk with them. "Yeah! Sounds great!"

We went on the walk, and I didn't really mind that (r/n) was there, but I kind of felt... Invisible. It didn't take long for me to find myself at the back of the group, walking behind them as they just chattered away. It didn't help that I had to leave early, and none of them wanted to walk me back because they wanted to talk to (r/n). (r/n) this, (r/n) that.

Eventually I started eating alone, getting worried glances from my old friends. I started having nightmares every night. Consuming the possibility that my friends hated me. I constantly cried myself to sleep, finding myself cutting occasionally. They did eventually confront me about it, and I told them about my nightmares... But I never told them about how I felt towards (r/n). I was afraid that if I did... They would be mad, so I sat with them again and pretended to be happy. But everyday at the end of school, it was like a knife stabbing me in the heart whenever they would just leave without saying anything to me, even when I would try and say goodbye to them. I never received a goodbye back.

Then Alfred came along. He was always so sweet to everyone. He would sit by me in classes and sometimes even pass notes. He'd say things like, "So how was your day?" or "You look great today!" I do admit, it made me feel special at times... Until he saw them. They usually weren't very noticeable, and when people would ask me what they were, I'd tell people "Oh, I scratched them on a fence." or "My dog accidently scraped me with her claws. Ha, it's about time to get them trimmed!"

Everyone believed it. After all, I was just ___. The smiley, happy-go-lucky one. Nobody thought twice about the possibility of me being depressed, except for him. Maybe it was because I couldn't come up with an excuse that day, or maybe because they were fresh, but he noticed them right away. I saw it in his eyes. Sadness, sympathy, something like that. He just stopped and stared at me for a while, not saying anything. I couldn't either. I remember how he walked up to me maybe 30 seconds later, taking me into a hug. I wasn't able to move, and another 30 seconds later he let me go. I remember looking up at him, a bit confused at his tears. We became friends soon after, not sure how or why, but we just did. I found out that he was really hyper and social, and we had a lot in common too. He was never romantically interested in me, or anyone for that matter. Sure, he did think some girls were "really hot," which made me jealous at times, but he never really had much romantic interest. Alfred was the best; and that's why I hated him. I hated that I was falling for him, and how I was becoming attached to another person. Because before I know it, some other kid like (r/n) is going to come in and turn me invisible again.