Ouran Host Club Hostess (DISCONTINUED)

The Hostess is a Star

I came in a little later than usual the next morning, because I had stopped by the library to pick up a note for one of the teachers. When I finally made it to the host club, Renge had snakes in her hair, and she was chasing Honey and Mori around the room while fire burned in the background.

I watched the scene for about fifteen seconds, before wandering over to Haruhi. "Do I even want to know?" I asked.

"Probably not," she said. Haruhi held up a bag of some slightly burned, but overall not bad-looking cookies. "On another note, Renge made us some cookies."

"Ooh, chocolate chip?" Haruhi and I took a cookie each and bit into them. "It has a good odour," Haruhi pronounced. "And it's not that bad."

"Mmm, you're right," I decided, popping the cookie into my mouth and taking another one. "Renge made these? She should have used less sugar and more chocolate chips. But otherwise, it's a pretty good batch."

I didn't see the twins scheming behind us. If I had, I would have been much more wary of eating the cookies. I picked up another cookie, just as someone turned me around and gripped my chin, tilting my head up. My cookie was pulled out of my fngers and pushed between my lips.

"Mmph!" I squeaked, and then I came face to face with none other than Hikaru Hitachiin. What is that evil twin planning?

He smirked and leaned down, never breaking eye contact with me. "So it's good?" He whispered seductively, his lips nearing mine. "Let me see," he said, and then he slowly bit off the other end of my cookie.

My face flamed, and I backed away from him, and turned in time to see Kaoru lick some stray crumbs off Haruhi's cheek. I shoved away the worst of my embarrassment and glared furiously at Kaoru. "STEP AWAY FROM MY COUSIN YOU PERVERT!"

I wasn't the only one freaking out, Tamaki had come out of his emo corner just to panic and point and whine about us to Kyoya. I immediately calmed down because, in situations like that, I didn't want to be likened to Tamaki. We already had one drama queen (or king) and we didn't need another.

Kyouya stared at the four of us with his usual blank apathy. "And the friendly classmate quartet has appeared again."

"You know," Haruhi rubbed her cheek as she turned to Kaoru. "I can take it off myself if you tell me."

I nodded, and decided to act calm just to mess with Tamaki. "Yeah, and if you want some," I told Hikaru. "There are still more cookies in the bag."

"Y-Y-YOUR REACTION IS WRONG!" Tamaki yelled, grabbing the two of us. "THIS IS WHERE YOU SHOULD SHOW REJECTION, NOT ACT CALMLY AND LET IT GO BY!"

"Please stop your sexual harassment senpai," Haruhi said calmly.

I giggled to myself at the look on his face. "Sexual harassment? If I was sexually harassing you, then they must be evil criminals! Policeman, help!"

"Tamaki, you're taking this a bit too far," I looked at the twins sternly. "Come on, apologize to Tamaki."

"Only for you, Kyo-chii," they smirked down at me. "Sorry tono!"

"But," Hikaru started, putting a hand under my chin and lifting my face up. "It isn't sexual harassment..."

"...if you like it, right Kyo-chi?" Kaoru brought his lips near my ear.

Tamaki blew up again. "Release my daughter you vile criminals!"

"We don't want to!"

"Release her, obey your king!"

"Could someone just help me, please?" I yelled from between the twins.

"YOU GUYS ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" We all turned to stare at Renge. Said otaku looked like she was in the middle of some fangirl-rage. This could not end well. "Apart from Kyouya, none of your characters are good enough!" She pointed at us, though I wasn't sure what I had to do with anything that was going on. I was just the maid, I was not a host. "All of you hosts lack a 'shadowy' side! Fair maidens are suckers for the traumas of handsome men!"