A Theory Of Revolution

IV - Laura

I waited out the front of the train station as the sun beat down on me. My skin glowed in the sunlight although it was still pale as ever. Laura was nowhere to be seen but I was fine with waiting. Whilst on the train I realized I was getting people staring at me. Only then had I noticed that I had scars and cuts all over me and had forgotten to cover up because it was so warm, now was the time to think of excuses. I stared at my arms, head tilted sideways, examining the damage, I had no idea what to say this time, I had used everything at least twice. I tilted my head to the left then to the right, and then left again. Eventually I became cross eyed from looking at the same place for too long. Just as I was in the strangest position looking at my arm Laura appeared from nowhere.

"What are you doing?" she asked, making me seem all too stupid.

"Oh, erm, nothing." I said quickly whipping my arms behind my back then correcting myself "checking the time, you're late."

She laughed and forgot about my stupidity.

We walked for what seemed a long time before deciding to sit in the park on the swings. We had the traditional competition of seeing who could swing the highest on the swings. I soared into the air on the rubber seat, the clank of chains grinding against the metal bars hurt my head but I blocked it out. I felt nauseous and had to give up so we slowed down and began to talk. We began with the usual girlish chatter before we started to talk about other things, things I was hardly comfortable talking about in the first place let alone in public. But Laura wasn't satisfied until I had told her.

"So, going to tell me what you are hiding from me?" she pressed.

"Nothing, honestly." I lied unconvincingly.

"So what is this?" she said now slightly angered at my lying.

"What is what?" I asked, playing dumb.

"This" she said almost too viciously pulling my arms from where they rested behind my back and gazing at all of my scars.

"Oh." Hurriedly I began reciting each made up excuse for each scar until I came to the new ones, I had hit a wall.

"Impressive." She said, sarcastically.

"What?" I was now confused out of my mind but I carried on listening to her.

"It's impressive how you can tell me all of this stuff and expect that I actually believe you, because I don't. I know the truth."

My mind flicked through who knew the truth. Jake. No, she didn't even know him. If he had told her I was pretty much ready to attack him with some sort of weapon.

"What - how?" I blurted out.

"It's obvious, nobody is that accident prone."

I nodded, ashamed of myself and stared at the ground. I was stupid; A stupid little girl. Being sixteen I wasn't so little any more, I had almost reached my seventeenth birthday but never the less, I was stupid.

"Stupid me." I said as tears began to escape my eyes, moving my eyeliner once again to settle below the usual place.

"No, Liz, you aren't stupid. You are coping." I looked at her surprised, she wasn't angry, she was helping. "I wish you would cope in a different way" my heart sank "It's so self destructive."

"I know." I said, a little downtrodden.

We didn't speak for a few minutes and I wondered if this was where our day ended, but it wasn't. The conversation picked up but my self harm was not mentioned. Instead I began to tell her about Jake, my so called best friend. I missed him. She sympathized with me, my problems shouldn't lose me a friend. She offered to help me talk with him again but I turned down her offer, I had to do this alone. It was my fault he wasn't talking to me at the moment. I told her how much he meant to me, a tear escaped my eye again but I caught it with my index finger and carried on, the whole story was relived in my head. I couldn't live without him. His face was in my mind when finally Laura, a little too childishly, accused "you love him!"