Unthinkable

Unthinkable ~ Chapter 15

The next few days went by quickly, and I couldn't get my mind off the boy who sat just a few seats behind me. I could feel his presence every once and a while, and I realized I was noticing little things. Like how he'd show up to class just the second before the late bell rang almost every morning on his noisy source of transportation. He'd pick up the thin board with four wheels and tuck it under his arm before walking into the room, then take his seat without acknowledging anyone around him. He seemed to keep to himself mostly, but I had seen him around with other skater kids on the steps of the school building after hours. He'd almost always have one ear occupied with an earbud, and sometimes I could hear the faint voices of Common and Lupe Fiasco from the other earbud that hung idly by his neck. Sometimes he'd accidentally make eye contact with me, but his stares were always slightly intense so I'd look away immediately. 

Weird kid.

Sadly, my grades weren't improving very much since the last test, and I hadn't won the Spoken Word contest so extra credit was out of the question. I was getting to be a little desperate, and without really thinking, I glanced at Jaco's test paper as it made its way up our row of seats. His grades seemed worth the attempt to convince him to be my tutor. It wasn't that hard, because apparently the whole class had gotten to know about my struggle, and he came up to me himself with his hand underneath the one strap of his book-bag that was slung over his shoulder and a smile on his face. I smiled back. And that's how we ended up sitting together with our books out on the steps of the school building late after class had ended.

"Sometimes, I like to use these," he said as he handed me a stack of hand written flash cards. I took them in my hands and flipped them around. "They're the easiest for memorizing things quickly. It ain't really learning but at least you can regurgitate things, which, let's be honest, is all they looking for anyway." He snorted and I looked at him with a kind of fascination. He went back to flipping a page in his book and I suddenly felt my cheeks grow warm with embarrassment.

"I don't usually get grades like this," I said all too quickly, which got me a raised eyebrow from Jaco. "I'm smarter than that. I just had an accident and can't remember things as well anymore." For a second, Jaco studied me with that same intense look in his eyes that he always gave whenever we made eye contact. Then, he rolled them.

"Grades don't say whether you're smart or not," he replied with a sigh. "I never thought you were stupid. You ain't need to explain yourself to me." I didn't reply. Now I felt even dumber. 

"Sorry about your accident though," he added quickly, noticing my further embarrassment. "Maybe some different study habits? That could help? Like with the memory stuff." I forced a smile and buried my head in my textbook in a desperate attempt to have the pages swallow me into a hole far away from any place that I could humiliate myself even more.

"What happened?" The question startled me more than it should have, but I couldn't help but feel the same way I had felt in my first group therapy session. How do I explain the entire incident when I'm still not completely sure what happened myself? I looked at him and he seemed to back off from the question, fearing that he had overstepped boundaries. He hadn't though, and I didn't want to make things even more awkward than they already felt, so I just quickly gave him the generic answer that I had fallen. He cocked an eyebrow upward.

"They ask you to go to physical therapy?" I nodded. "And?" 

"I went." I wasn't understanding all these questions.

"What about regular therapy?" My brow furrowed at that question. "Psychotherapy."

"I'm not crazy," I said again, too quickly. He laughed.

"You don't need to be. Trust me. So I'm guessing you ain't gone?" I shook my head. I was still feeling slightly attacked by all these questions, like he was examining me under some psychological microscope. "I dunno, it could be helpful."