Unthinkable

Unthinkable ~ Chapter 14

"Well, class, I hope you're excited for Open Mic Friday!"

I dropped my bookbag onto the desk in front of me and took out the crumpled piece of paper that resided in my pocket. The forced enthusiasm from my English teacher was nauseating, but I really needed that extra credit so I played along. After smoothing out my piece, I volunteered to go up first, and no one else challenged me for that position. I secured my spot at the front of the class, and with a quick scan of the room filled with uninterested faces, I cleared my throat and began.

I didn't realize just how much of myself I had put into this ripped up, crumpled piece of paper until I started my piece. Just speaking the first words made my hands shake, and it was difficult to read everything through the angry scribbles and rushed handwriting. My voice resonated throughout the classroom, and hearing it within the silence of the classroom made my skin prickle with goosebumps. The shaking ceased at some point, as I started to pick up the pace in my speech, and people even started to vibe with it. Every once and a while I'd hear a few mutters of assent, or a couple of disjointed snapped fingers from the back of the class. Eventually I was finished, but I couldn't force myself to look up from my paper at the eyes of my classmates. I had earned the mandatory round of applause that polite classmates give, but I also earned a few smiles from unknown teenagers as I made my way back to my desk. By the time I got there, there were already six new volunteers ready to jump up and a new energy filled the room.

A bunch of emotionally charged teenagers recollected their life's adversities in a solid spoken word piece, but nothing struck me. That is, until Jaco Clay stepped up to perform.

Jaco Clay was this lanky kid who probably had to duck his head before entering the school building to keep from smacking his forehead against the door frame. He didn't seem like much of a powerhouse in general, but when he opened his mouth you could see his eyes ignite from behind the wide frames of his glasses. And when he spoke, the whole class fell silent. His words were laced with a kind of passion that I could only dream about displaying myself, and every sentence ended in a way that made me want to just sit in a corner and pontificate for several years. I guess this was an inappropriate time to notice that he had killer cheekbones, too. Not that that's important.

He was finally finished and the whole room didn't know what to say. I was in complete awe to say the least, but in a few moments a murmur grew among the students. As he made his way back to his seat, he kept looking around sheepishly, and I wondered what this amazing kid could possibly shy about when I realized the hushed whispers throughout the room weren't all praise. My brow furrowed as I strained to hear what some of the comments were. 

They were saying he was too righteous. Too involved in social issues. 

Too angry.

As if there was a limit of how passionate a person could be. Wasn't this supposed to be a safe space? What happened to creative liberty and freedom of expression? I glanced back at Jaco to see how he was holding up, and when he felt my stare he flashed his eyes at me. I flashed him a reassuring smile, and he replied with just one corner of his lips turning upward and a slight raise of his eyebrow though his eyes flitted away. It was as if he was only half accepting my praise and somewhat doubting himself as if my smile was out of pity, but not wanting to show it completely. I heard laughter in the back. 

My smile vanished and I turned back around in my seat.

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"Do you ever feel like you're just surrounded by ignorance? Like no matter what you say, you just can't get it through their thick skulls?" My legs were swinging underneath the park bench that had turned into Maybelle's favorite little spot. We shared a slushie from the 7/11 across my school every so often, and this was a perfect time with the sun beating down on our heads and our eyes squinting up at each other between slushie sips.