Just Amazing

I love you, I miss you

What he says next leaves me mortified. Chandler stops walking me backwards and drops my forearm. He sighs and turns back around, waiting for my reaction along with the rest of them.

"Let's go" I say heading towards the front door. They follow in tow and we all pile into the car. The whole drive there was silent. No one spoke, no one had a reason too. Chandler looked over to me a couple of times, contemplating whether to comfort me or not. We pull up sooner than later and we walk in the entrance. Mr Riggs rushes over to the receptionist and asks for the room number, he gets it and we head into the elevator. We hear the 'ding' and pile out, slowly walking to the room. I nod to them letting them know they can stay out here. They sigh and walk over to sit down, everyone apart from Chan. He stands there and shakes his head.

"How are you not a wreck? How are you so strong?" he asks, his voice cracking at the end. I shrug my shoulders sadly before stepping around him, opening the door. I walk in and close it behind me. Every time I have walked in here, I have heard machines beeping and birds chirping outside the windows and the light from the sun pouring through the room, giving it a sense of hope and calm. Today, there is none of that, it is just a stormy day, no birds chirping, no light pouring through and into the room filling it up with hope and calmness, nothing. I try straining my ears to hear the beeping noise that never came. This is not real, this is all not real? I turn around and run my eyes furiously, trying to wake myself up.

"Come on, stop fucking around, wake up!" I say loudly pinching myself. I turn around and what I see brings a smile to my face. Mum stands up smiling at me, only we are not at the hospital anymore, we are back at the cemetery.

"Nothing is written on it" I say to her, looking into her eyes. She sighs but smiles.

"Now there is" she says gesturing towards the tomb stone with engraving on it. I walk over and graze my fingers across reading what was written on it.

'In Memory of Rose Jefferson Parkers

1976 – 2015

Beloved loved one and a wonderful mother.'

I stare back to mum wide eyed. This is all a joke right?

"You need to open your eyes" she says, putting her arm onto my shoulder. I shake my head while tears start blurring my vision.

"I don't want to open my eyes, not if I can't see you ever again" I say sadly, my voice beginning to crack.

"When you open your eyes, I will be there, you just won't be able to see me" she says happily. How is she happy?

"How will I know that?" I ask, wrapping my arms around her for a hug. She hugs back tightly and smiles.

"You will feel it" she says before pulling away. She begins to walk away as I try to catch up with her. She soon disappears into the air. I run around, trying to look for her but can't. I collapse to the ground and cradle my legs in my arms, letting the tears stream down my face. I rock back and forth as the wind picks up the leaves around me in a circling motion. I look up and sadly smile.

"You need to wake up Hayley, she's not gone, she's just not there" I say aloud for some unknown reason.

"You need to open your eyes now, open your eyes..." I say trailing on.

I open my eyes to find them watery. I blink a couple of times wiping the tears away with the back of my hand. I walk over slowly and to the bed. There she way, lying like she was peacefully asleep? How can she look like? She is not even asleep and yet she is?

Inside I feel like collapsing to the ground and cradling my legs within my arms, rocking back and forth. I look up the machine that would be working with bright lights and a line that would go up and down like hills. Except when I look now, it's black, just black. I look over her fragile body, wishing this was all just a dream, a really bad dream. I lastly look to her face and my breath hitches inside my throat. I can't breathe. I reach out to touch her face and then that's when it began. The tears, the hiccupping, sobbing, feeling like I have been crushing inside out. I pull my hand away and literally collapse to the floor. I hear the door fly open as I continue to sob.