Neophyte

Identity

It was the day of the trial; the night passed, and the morning arrived, but it wasn't as joyous, for rain clouds were in the skies. Metztli was fully awake, as it was impossible to rest. She couldn't stop thinking about her talk with Guillermo and was worried for Valentina, who hadn't arrived at their room all night. 

The constant need to tell Mariana was strong, but Metztli didn't want to worry her more than she already was. Looking out the window, the church bells rang; mass ended. Metztli wondered if Victoriano and the other Bishops told the Padres about the trial. A knock on the door echoed, making her flinch. "Who is it?"

"Metztli, it is I."

"Esteban?" She immediately went to open the door where Esteban stood on the other side. "Do you have news? Am I to be summoned to the trial?"

"I was informed that you will have to be in the trial. The Padres were informed that a trial is to occur."

"I see. What time will it start?"

"Bishop Victoriano told me that after they have their morning meal. They will begin the trial." He slowly entered the room. "Nervous?"

"I would be lying if I said I wasn't. Esteban, I'm scared. I'm scared that I won't be believed and that-

Esteban immediately hugged her and gave a small peck on her head. "Do not think that way. I witnessed everything, and I do have a good reputation among the Soldados and in this Mission. Since you agreed to marry me and to leave this place, they will not see you as a threat. I will ensure that no harm will be brought to you."

His words brought Metztli comfort; she hugged him back, enjoying his warmth. The door suddenly opened, interrupting their moment.

Valentina arrived inside. The two let go of one another, noticing Valentina's state. There were black circles under her eyes, her hair was disheveled, and the bottom parts of her dress had mud. Her face was expressionless. "V-Valentina! Thank goodness! I was worried about you!" Metztli put her hands together and tried to go to her, but was met with a warning glare. 

Esteban felt the tension, and he knew that Valentina didn't want him there. "Metztli, I will wait outside. We will have to be prepared for the trial." He gave her a quick, reassuring glance before leaving the room. 

Metztli also felt the tension within Valentina. "I have to accept things that are beyond my control. Whatever happens between us, will happen." She watched as Valentina went to her wooden chest and took out new clothes. "Valentina, your mother and I were worried about you. She wasn't able to eat and I doubt she slept."

Getting her clothes, Valentina was about to walk toward the door, but Metztli stood in front of it. 

She had enough and decided to stand her ground. No matter how much Valentina glared at her, Metztli refused to budge. "Tlaquixti (Move)."

"Amo (No). You're acting childish right now, Valentina. We're both adults, so let's act like it. Look, you have every right to feel what you do, but eventually you're going to have to talk to your mother and you fa-I mean, the Bishop. I understand you don't want to marry, but you have the right to defend yourself."

Valentina slowly shook her head and snickered. "Look at you. You think you know how I should act. Seems to me that you are agreeing to marry that white devil."

"Not all of them are devils, Valentina. Being in this Mission made you see the worst in the worst people."

"You agreed to marry him?"

"Esteban? He asked me to marry him and I said yes. I did not accept because it was what the Bishop wanted but it was because of my choice. Esteban put my feelings into consideration since he didn't want me to feel that I don't have a choice." 

Valentina scoffed while clenching onto her clothes. "You think that, but you only had two choices to choose from. That isn't freedom of choice, that is choice by force. You are a mestiza who is ashamed of her heritage."

"If I am a mestiza, so be it. I will not let you or anyone else make me feel ashamed of my skin color. I will not be ashamed of who I am. I will not allow my skin define who I truly am and it shouldn't define yours."

"Your belief is so foolish. Do you think it would make a difference to these white devils? Do you think they would care what we would think? Whether you like it or not, you are seen and worth from where and who you were born. Your skin defines you in the world of these devils. No matter how hard you try to be one of them or try to be in their world, they will never accept you."

"I know that very well, Valentina. It was never my intention to be one of them. I have forgotten. I once forgot my identity, for I thought the one I was given was a gift from god. Now I have realized that identity is not given; it is cultivated by you and you alone." Metztli's lips formed a sad smile as she shook her head. "I always wanted your approval and your respect but now I realize that I won't always have the approval and respect of others even if they are among my people."

"You-"

"You lost yourself, Valentina." Metztli's statement stunned Valentina; she was speechless. "Your anger, hurt, and hatred blinded you for so long that you lost yourself within those feelings. You made those feelings your identity and it shows Valentina. You're not different from those who you consider devils."

Valentina threw her clothes on the floor and violently pushed Metztli, almost making her fall. "You think you know everything!? You're wrong! I don't know why I even tried to trust you! You, Nonantzin, and that Bishop try to tell me what to do!"

"I was like you, too! I felt that I had to do everything to get everyone's approval, but I realized that it only hurt me! Just like how it's hurting you! Have the courage to stand up for yourself and stop blaming others, Valentina! Stop running away!" Metztli sighed. "I'm tired. I'm tired of dealing with all of this. I finally accept that there are things beyond my control, and if this is how and who you want to be, fine. Live this way and be miserable. I will tell you this." Metztli grabbed the doorknob and eased the door open. "I hope you find peace. I have to go, the trial will soon start." She opened the door, where Esteban was standing at a distance. Metztli left, closing the door, leaving Valentina alone.

Valentina looked down at the floor, fell to her knees, and cried.