Neophyte

Confession

Padre Federico and Padre Lucas walked inside the Mission, which was quiet since the workers were still at the funeral. "Can you believe that the savage woman dared raise her voice at us? She even wanted to take the punishment for that couple!" Padre Federico did not respond, but Padre Lucas noticed his thoughtfulness when he glanced at him. "Padre, are you well?"

"I am well." Padre Federico stopped in front of the infirmary, where he saw Anna Maria's husband lying on the bed, unconscious. The memory of Metztli begging to suffer in the couple's place was something he had not seen before. No one ever volunteered to do such a thing. Whenever a native was punished, Federico never cared since he believed it was their fault for their failure. Metztli's cries and tears for the couple's mercy made him feel...guilty. Not for the couple but because he is seeing Metztli distressed. It made him feel uneasy and helpless that there was nothing he could do to stop her tears. "I am going to rest; Bishop Victoriano may let the savages rest due to the funeral."

Before Padre Lucas could say anything, Padre Federico walked away. He thought about going to his room but believed it would be too much for him. Many feelings and thoughts consumed him, and he believed he needed to be somewhere that didn't feel too suffocated. Federico decided to go inside the church. It was almost comical to him since he never wanted to be a Padre, and he did it to escape his punishment. He knew it was not wise to admit it, but the Padre didn't believe much in God. If anyone found out, then he would face banishment, but not before suffering a severe punishment. What was worse was that if banished, Federico would become destitute and die from starvation. 

Padre Federico felt trapped and bitter that he had to be something he wasn't. However, it was undeniable that being a Padre had its benefits, such as having a roof over his head, food, and control over the Tongva. Having power over the powerless made him feel the power he used to have as a free man. 

While walking to the church, the Padre heard the faraway echo of women weeping. It annoyed him, but then his thoughts changed to Metztli, imagining her tear-stricken face. A part of him didn't like the idea of being saddened. If she found out that he was the one who called upon the other Bishops, then Metztli would have hated him. Padre Federico didn't usually care what the Tongva people felt, but he did with Metztli. He wondered why he cared so much about what Metztli thought of him, but she was the first woman, especially a Native, which made him genuinely interested in her. 

Upon arriving at the church, the Padre entered and closed the door behind him. No one was around, so he slowly walked toward the altar, looking at the cross. He then wondered if there was another explanation for his attraction to Metztli: God.

"I always believed of your existence as foolish. To rely on a being for one's salvation; to test us if we follow your will. After I lost everything, people tell me it is punishment for my sins. When I was given a choice to become a Padre people call it God's mercy. I called it a mockery. I never believed that you or any other force had a control in my life." His footsteps echoed inside the church while looking at the cross. "Then, she came along, Metztli. It was as if she arrived so sudden."

Padre Federico stopped before the altar; his eyes never left the cross, feeling conflicted. It was humorous that he spoke to a wooden-made cross of Jesus. While focusing on the cross, Federico didn't notice someone outside the church door.

When the funeral was over and everyone was instructed to return to the Mission, Esteban didn't have the strength to go to the Soldados' barracks. Many of his comrades would speak horribly about what happened to the couple, and he didn't want to hear it. When everyone was slowly leaving the cemetery, he wanted to speak with Metztli. Esteban wanted to apologize for doing nothing. However, he saw her leaving, and Marianna believed it was best to leave her alone. 

Esteban felt sick of everything that happened and wanted comfort; he decided to go to the church. The Soldado felt relieved that the path to the church was empty; he felt he would get some privacy to pray for Anna Maria and his soul. Esteban was about to open the door but stopped when he heard a faint voice. There was someone else, and he decided to take a peek; the door was slightly opened to give Esteban a view. Padre Federico was inside talking to himself. It didn't feel right to listen to another speak to God, and Esteban was about to leave, but he heard Metztli's name. His curiosity got the best of him, and he decided to listen more.

"Her timely arrival was so sudden and when looking at her, I felt my mind and body shift. She holds a beauty that I have never seen before. I tried to think nothing of her since she looked to be a mestiza but when seeing more of her and listening to her beautiful voice, my thoughts changed. Metztli is too good to be true she is: beautiful, brave, and innocent. I tried so hard to deny that she nothing else but a woman. However, after witnessing her willingness of self-sacrifice, I could no longer deny of what she is, an angel."

Esteban was shocked to hear Padre Federico speak about Metztli. He met the Padre occasionally when he needed to meet with the Bishops and Padres. There were rumors about many of the Padres doing unspeakable things to the Tongva people, and some of them had to do with women. Esteban believed they were rumors, but hearing Padre Federico speak about Metztli disturbed him. 

"I am starting to believe that you brought her before me to test my belief and faith. Yet, I wonder if you are testing me for something else; my desire. Or you are seeing if fall into the temptation to destroy me for my sins? Well, I will eventually find out. You have peaked my interest."

It was too much to hear, so Esteban quietly closed the door and ran far from the church until he reached a tree. He tried catching his breath and noticed Padre Federico leave the church. Esteban was shocked to hear Federico's dark confession. Soldado feared for Metztli's safety and didn't want to sit and do anything. "I need to tell Bishop Victoriano about this, but he is going through troubles. I will tell him when the time is right."