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prologue • goldie

I remember
holding the glass bowl tightly
in my hands

Goldie
the new goldfish I bought from the local pet shop
swimming happy circles around in it

My heart was racing
with excitement, eager
to show you our new friend

I paused outside the room we shared
unaware
of what was happening inside

I cannot believe
I didn't hear the grunts and moans coming from inside
when I barged in without knocking

And there you were
sprawled out on the sheets
a pretty blonde girl
practically sitting on top of you

You didn't even notice
me coming inside until I
dropped Goldie

You stopped and turned
I stared at you
not even daring
to look at the blonde lady
your expression changed

Goldie
flopping around helplessly
gasping for breath

But I was already
breathless
my jaw
hung open
my eyes
wide

"Lou,"
you said
you pushed her away
she yelped
I squirmed and took a step back
glass pierced my feet
but I was already gone
running towards the door
running
away
from
you

I didn't want to look back
I didn't dare look back
your angelic eyes
turned demonic
not five seconds ago
and I'm afraid of
what I'll find in them

"Lou! Louis! Wait!"
I could hear footsteps
but I only quickened my pace
bolting out the door
and into the night

It was raining
the cold consumed me
the heavens drenched me in their tears
they're crying for me
and somehow
I felt better
because I wasn't the only one
crying

The rain was heavy
the tears kept flowing
my feet kept hurting
but it was nothing compared to
the ache in my heart

The image of you
pressing her down onto the bed
pained me
hurt me
and I continued to run

I didn't hear the horn
I didn't hear the screeching of tires
I didn't hear you scream my name
yelling it into the whining wind
the roaring rain

I didn't bother to listen
I couldn't bother to listen